I'll Forget It All
by Lil-Sun-Rie
Summary: She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person? SPOILERS [Updated: Yuki, Kagura's POV]
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer** I don't own Fruits Basket.

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**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

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**_I'll Forget It All_** : _Chapter One_

_Kagura_

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I wish I had never fallen in love, that is if you can call it love. Tohru has always been the special one, the one who found love. Two had fallen for her, but she could only choose one and she picked Kyo, my love. I could never really, truly be mad at her, she was just too stupidly nice. Their personalities were so different that I could only hope ithat they find happiness. I _should_ hope they find what they want, but I don't. I know I should feel happy for them, but all I felt was hostility. If only she picked Yuki, I wouldn't be in this sad depression.

The pain is just too much… I wish it all could end. Everything, I wanted it to end… the torment, the jealousies, the depression, the darkness, coldness, and insanity of life.

I stood up and walked into the main house and upon entering I could see that Hatori was in his clinic giving Akito his daily check up. I slowly and attentively approached the door.

Akito's even breathing was the only thing I heard.

I wonder how Yuki is doing… I wonder if he's still depressed about Tohru as I am about Kyo. Looking around I see Kisa smiling up at me in her little corner. She motions for me to join her and that is what I did. I sat down at the small rug she had spread out on the floor to see she was playing with her dolls.

"This is me." She declared with her adorable squeaky voice as she held up a cute little red haired doll. She smiled up at me and held up another doll, but instead of being a redhead it was a brunette doll. "This is you." She reached over to a doll with a lovely white wedding dress. "This is Tohru-san."

I felt crushed.

I know their dolls and all, but it was like real life. Tohru was so much prettier than I was. She was everything I was not. She was the perfect person for Kyo, something I wasn't. I always felt that I would be Kyo's bride, but I guess life doesn't work out the way you want it to.

I finally realized the pain I inflicted on Kyo every time I saw him and I finally realized that it was _I_who beat him into a pulp, but Tohru would never do that. She couldn't hurt a flea, she was just _too_ nice that it was almost sickening. I was not that kind of person, but I have to be happy and cheerful or else they will know something is wrong.

Kyo could care less, but Tohru will make him check on me. She will be the reason he "cared" if I was hurt and what hurt more was that I couldn't do anything about this. I was too powerless.

I was cursed with the boar, the stupidest of creatures. I was born under the most unladylike sign.

"If Kyo and Tohru-san get married, do you think I'll be their flower girl?" Kisa's little voice broke my chain of thoughts.

"You would be the greatest flower girl ever." I tucked my chin against my chest and carefully talked so I wouldn't break down at any given moment. She seemed happy with my response, so I continued with a small sentence. "You would be the cutest and everyone will want your picture."

I made sure that my voice didn't crack and it didn't, something that I was grateful. Again the cooling numbness worked its way up my body, if they got married and have little red-haired children, when they take their vows and when they live together… will I be forgotten? Will I be nothing more than a small obstacle in their relationship?

Forget… I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget ever being here.

I wanted to forget all of the Sohma's, the curse, Akito, and even Kyo. I wanted to forget it all. I couldn't take this torture anymore. I just can't take it! Everything seems to be spinning, everything seems to be living, everything except me. Kisa still smiles, still oblivious to the pain she's putting me through.

I never want to see this place again, I never wanted to see anyone again. I was tired of living with the Sohma's because there was nothing for me here, nothing at all. I stood up suddenly, which caused Kisa looked up at me questioningly.

"I'll be back."

I ran away and into Hatori's clinic. He was still there and this time he was alone.

"Hatori-san!" I shouted and finally I broke. I reached the one person who could take the pain away, I reached him and I wanted him to make me forget.

I started to sob uncontrollably, it was so wonderful. Everything would be different… everything would be forgotten. I wouldn't be a problem to anyone anymore. No one would have to worry about me because I could move out. I was twenty-three anyway. I could find my own place to live and my own job. I could be anything I wanted, I just needed to forget this pain so I can have strength to move forwards.

"Hatori-san. Can you help me? I want to forget. I want you to erase my memory."

"Kagura, what's wrong?" His emotionless exterior melts away till he looks genuinely concerned.

I smiled up at him, although a smile didn't convey my feelings. "There's nothing wrong, I just don't feel like I need to remember this life. I-I want to start over."

"You want everything erased."

I nodded my head carefully. This caused Hatori to sighed out loud. "Even the happy memories."

I laughed sarcastically. "What happy memories? Without Kyo, my life has no meaning because he was the only thing I was willing to live for. He was everything to me… and when he chose Tohru my whole life collapsed. What happy memories? They were all just my imaginations."

There was a long moment of silence before a dark laugh was emitted into the room. The laugh belonged to Akito and as he entered I felt myself shake at the expected pain he would inflict soon. "Finally you understand what everybody's seen long before. He never loved you nor needed you. You were just a pain that he tried to avoid. Have you ever noticed that he never came to you?"

"H-h-hai…" I replied shakily.

"Kagura, come with me to the living room." He motioned for me to move and when I didn't I felt a push against my back. Hatori gently ushered me to the door, but before we were able to reach our desired destination Akito stopped Hatori and signaled him to stay.

We entered the living room and he automatically walked to the birds.

"This little fellow is Taikobou." He caught a bird in his hands, a small one. He held the bird close to me so I could see it and I found it to be adorable, but knowing Akito something terrible will follow. "We just got her yesterday." Suddenly, his knuckles turned white as his fist tightened around the innocent creature. Akito didn't care, it was as if the little bird's cries fell on deaf ears.

"No!" I rushed up to pluck the bird from his hands, but he pulled his hand away from my grasp and pushed me onto the floor. I wanted to cry… It was just a bird.

He doesn't answer, instead he smiled sadistically at me. He let the bird go and it fell to the floor, still alive but weak from either the fall or it's near suffocation. His eyes narrowed as his gaze snapped back towards me.

"You can't forget Kagura, I won't allow it. I want you to feel the pain of loving someone who will never return it. I want you to suffer. You stupid girl… your just as stupid as the boar you represent. Quite frankly I can't tell the difference."

He grabbed a porcelain vase and threw it at the spot in front of me. The ceramic flew and a piece grazed my cheek and when his deed was done he left the room with a smug smile plastered on his face. 

When I was alone, I brought my hand to my cheek and found that it was bleeding.

Hoarse chirping broke the silence that followed Akito's cruelty. I looked down and saw the little bird on the floor. I gingerly picked it up, not wanting to further injure it, and found that it had a broken wing. There weren't any serious injuries besides that, so I brought it into m room and bandaged the wing. All through this, the bandages and ointments, I did nothing for my cheek. It continued to bleed and I knew that there would be a scar later.

I felt more alone than ever. Akito just forbade me to forget, he wanted me to suffer… he wanted everyone to be miserable for his own sick amusement. Even though his words stung, I forced myself to smile through the tears. It hurt so much, that I just had to smile.

**TBC**

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I think that was a bit OOC, but that's okay! Right? I hope you liked it… I haven't seen all the Fruits Basket episodes, but I'm pretty sure that Kyo and Tohru get together. It was a pain for me to write the Tohru parts. I really don't like her, but I hope all you Tohru lovers will understand. 

Review please.


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimers**: I don't own Fruits Basket.

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**Summary**: She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru... Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

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I'll Forget It All : Chapter Two

_Kagura 

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_

I'm going to Shigure's house today, but it's nothing to be excited about because I'll see them together. I wish I didn't have to go, but I already promised Tohru-kun that I was going to help with their spring cleaning and I just can't cancel it so suddenly. She would probably beat herself up if I did.

Right now, I am standing outside of their door. I can hear clattering inside and I automatically know that Kyo is trying to hide from me, but I don't think I'll chase him today... after all, love is all about happiness. I guess it would bring me happiness to see them together, or at least to see Kyo happy.

He has never smiled at me the way he smiled at her. What was so special about her that people accepted her so effortlessly? Was it because she was an orphan? Was it because she cried and tried her best to make sure that everyone around her was happy? Was it because she never once thought about herself? Or, was it because they don't have someone to care about them like she does?

But, I care... Was it my relation to them? Did they think I only cared out of family? But, since when was I there to help anyone. I was never there for Hatori when Kana left him. I was never there for Ayame when he wanted to form a bond with Yuki. I was never there for Momiji, Kisa, nor Ritsu. I was never there to lend a helping hand when they needed it most. Maybe that's what made Tohru so different, her compassion to hurt herself to save others. No matter how painful it was, she would endure it just to make someone else happy.

I'm still in front of the house and when the clattering is gone I proceed to knock. I hear shuffling and the door opened to reveal Yun-chan, who looked down at me with his mysterious, blank smile and welcomed me into the house. I forced a smile onto my face as I entered the humble abode of Shigure. I knew that Kyo was hiding somewhere, underneath a couch perhaps, or behind the curtains. I didn't even bother to call out to him; instead I raced to the broom closet and came back with arms filled with cleaning supplies.

"Okay, where shall we start?" The trio standing before me, which included Tohru, Yuki, and Shigure, shrugged. Suddenly, Tohru's eyes brimmed with excitement as an idea popped into her mind. Finally her hands clasped before her in her signature posture as cheerful words spouted from her mouth.

"We should work with, um... partners! It's always easier that way because we could cover more ground. My mom and me were always partners when we cleaned, but we were the only ones there so it would only be natural. We also used to sing this song... the cleaning song..." Suddenly a shyness seemed to overcome the hyperactive girl as she blushed red, "You don't think it's a good idea do you... I mean it's okay if you don't want to work with partners. It was just a suggestion." At this I forced a smile onto my face knowing that was what was expected.  
  
"Tohru, it's a great idea! So, who's with who?" She smiled bashfully, but before she could mention a name Kyo rushed to her side. Of coarse the happy couple would have to work with each other or it wouldn't be weird.

"I'm with Tohru." Kyo growled to intimidate anyone who disagreed. We talked a little and before I knew it I was paired with Shigure to clean the bedrooms and the attic.

"Okay! Let's get started!" I ran up the stairs and immediately started cleaning in Kyo's room. Upon entering the small room I saw that it was well organized with a study table near the door and the bed next to the window. It was as if I was switched into autopilot because my body just cleaned. I was void of any emotions and it seemed like cleaning was my life's joy. I started with the sheets. I replaced his thick comforter with his springtime sheets. Folding the huge comforter by myself was difficult, but somehow I managed.

By the time Shigure arrived there was nothing to do, but clean the windows and bring his laundry down. Shigure of coarse choose the laundry so as to not be cooped up in a small room washing windows. He picked up the small basket and made his way downstairs, singing his famous "high school girls" song.

I smiled to myself and picked up a small discarded rag. I sprayed the window with some water and started to wipe it with the rag. I made sure to make the window sparkling and when I looked at it I saw my own reflection. I looked normal enough, but I could tell something was different although others couldn't see it. My eyes seemed so empty, like two dark pits on my face. I looked past my reflection and immediately regretted it. Tohru and Kyo was having a special moment even though they were just hanging sheets.

They loved each other and it was very evident in their actions. Then suddenly, out of the blue, they kissed each other. Not a passionate one, but a chaste kiss that symbolized how pure their love was. He smiled down at her with a smile I have never seen till then and talked animatedly, not like when he was with me. Normally he would just mutter things to make me leave him alone, he would just cover his face as if he couldn't bare looking at me. He was happy, really happy when he was with her.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks and I stopped cleaning to wipe them away. I felt more alone then ever, but I guess loneliness at this point is okay because no one can see me cry. No one would know about my pitiful depression, my self-loathing. I mean, depression and self-loathing is just a phase, right?

"Kagura?" Fear consumed me and I racked my mind for any excuse for crying. I turned to the source of the voice to see Yuki holding Kyo's cleaned pillow covers.

"Oh... Yuki! Hold on! Something got caught in my eye... It really stings." To emphasize my point I blink a few times. I wipe my eyes once more and smile up at him. I knew it was an empty smile, but it was still a smile.

Pretending to have just seen the pillow covers he was holding I quickly get up and take them from his hands. From the corner of my eye I could see Yuki approach the window and was about to tell him not to, that Kyo and Tohru were out there together.

To calm my anxiety, however, he spoke. His voice clear of any emotions he might have felt at that moment. "This window is really clean."

I beamed at him trying my hardest not to look at the window in fear of seeing Kyo and Tohru, "Of coarse it's clean! The great Kagura cleaned it!" I giggled slightly and I could see his lips twitch into an amused smile. "Yuki, can you laugh?" The question just sprouted from my mouth before I was able to think. The questions surprised both Yuki and I.

He looked at me with his mysterious mask, but it was clear that a question was resting on his tongue.

"It's just that, I have never heard you laugh."

Yuki's face softened as he stared out the window. "I guess it seems like I never laugh. I have before... I was watching Kyo and Tohru play ping-pong. Tohru was so determined to do good, but she really isn't that great."

Yuki chuckled at the memory. Even memories about Tohru seem wonderful. It was as if anything related to her was sacred and brought happiness. I started stuffing Kyo's pillows into the new pillowcases when Yuki came to help me.

"It seems that Tohru really changed us all, huh?"

"Yes she did, she does not want to admit it... but she's really special." I felt tears threaten to leak out my eyes, but I forced them back.

"Yuki, are you still sad about Tohru and Kyo?" Again the question just spurted forwards. I wanted to take it back, but knew that what was done was done. Yuki shook his head.

"Kyo deserves her. He always wanted to be accepted... I guess its only right."

"But! I always accepted him! How could you say that he was never accepted?!" I stood up, ready to pound him into the ground. My anger had reached its peak. Mixed emotions filled my body, hate, anger, envy, and sadness. I didn't know what to do and pummeling him to the ground was the first thought to enter my mind. Yuki just smiled gently at me.

"Kagura..." For once he seemed at a loss for words, not like he showed it... but I could tell he could not word what he wanted to say.

"Yuki, it doesn't matter, he chose her and left me behind." There was a pause before I continued, "This room is cleaned, let's go to the next one."  
  
Yuki nodded and walked out. I followed him, but something on Kyo's desk caught my eye. There was a picture, one of me, Kyo, and Tohru.

I had a large smile on and my arms were around Kyo's neck, but he didn't seem to be bothered because he was holding Tohru's hand and was leaning towards her. They were so close that they almost seemed to be embracing, I guess that's the only reason he kept the picture in the first place. It was like I wasn't even there. They were centered in the picture and I was almost standing in the back barely seen.

I placed the picture face down on the desk and followed Yuki out the room to the next one. I recognized the next room as Yuki's and found it a lot different than Kyo's. It gave off a mysterious, clean air that made you feel dirty. Everything was put in a certain order, that no matter how organized you normally are, it makes you feel insecure.

We both started cleaning when the door opened and Shigure entered the room with clean sheets.

"The great Shigure is here!" He smiled at everyone.

**TBC**

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**This definitely wasn't the best chapter, and reading it now I think it to be really horrible. Anyways, I've been editing my story and I found a lot of mistakes.**


	3. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything pertaining to Fruits Basket.

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**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

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**_I'll Forget It All_** : _Chapter Three_

_Kagura

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_

The house was clean, it was nice team work. I smiled at everyone; once again it was my empty smile. I felt that I needed some way to escape all this pain, some way to get away from all this sorrow. It hurt so much and I just wanted it all to stop. It was lunch time and Kyo, of course, sat next to _Tohru_. I just turned my face away as I felt fresh tears well up in my eyes, but I didn't let it show. I turned quickly and saw the tears swing outwards. I smiled and ran to the kitchen to avoid any new sorrows that might occur.

"I'll cook lunch! Okay?!" I didn't wait for an answer, instead I immediately started to pull out the pots and pans and, before I knew it, all the pots and pans fell on the floor causing a loud bang.

I winced when I hear Kyo shout, "Now what did that boar do again?!" I know he didn't mean to be cruel, but it was in his personality not to let himself get close to anyone except Tohru. It was in his personality to pretend not to care.

I tried to ignore it and I quickly succeeded as I busied myself with picking them up as fast as possible. I heard footsteps and looked up to see that it was Yuki. He stood there looking at me causing me to bow my head when I felt my cheeks burning.

"Are you okay?" Again his calm, mellow voice spoke to me in the second conversation we had that day.

I raised my head and smiled. "Of course I am." I picked up the last pot and put it on the kitchen counter. "Now, what to cook?"

I went over to the recipe books and smiled as I dragged my finger over the titles of the books. I randomly picked up a blue book with little stars across the bindings, opening it to look at the table of contents. "So, Yun-chan, what do you want to eat?"

I smiled at him as he came over to look at the book, he looked over my shoulder. I could hear him breathing behind me, but I kept my eyes glued on the page. He reached over and pointed at a name.

I looked down at it. 'Spaghetti.' I smiled at him and then that was when I noticed how close we really were. I just dismissed the thought and danced around him. I went to the counter and separated the pots. I then went to the pantry and pulled out all the ingredients. Yuki came behind me and took them all from my hands.

"Here let me help you."

Tohru entered the room and immediately started towards the table, but I kept her away by blocking her path and knowing Tohru she wouldn't want to do anything that may offend me. She opt for compromising as she looked down and spoke in a hurried and excited voice. "Kagura-chan, you don't need help? I can help you, you never know when you might need it. I can help, really I can. I love cooking so it wouldn't be a problem… um… please let me help you…" Her big eyes were rimmed with the willingness to help, like they always were, as she urged more. "I can help. Just tell me what to do."

I just smile and shake my head. "No, I know Kyo-kun will miss you!"

I make a shooing motion with my hands and push her back into the living room. She tries to put up a fight, but she's too weak. She tries to help people; she tries to make everything comfortable for everyone, but she's just too weak. She's too weak… her protests are sweet, funny, and really petty. I wonder why she tries to do that even though everyone knows that she will just do what they tell her anyway.

I then return back to the cooking.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" Yuki's voice broke through the silence in the room. I let out a little yelp. I didn't know that Yun-chan was still there.

"I don't need help."

Yuki doesn't seem to believe me. He sits at the dinner table and looks at me expectantly. I just ignore him and continue. I hum slightly to myself and start to open the food packets. I start to cook the sauce. The sauce seemed easy enough. I took pieces of tomato and some meat. I mixed them together and started singing slightly.

I looked down at the sauce and saw that it was orange… much like Kyo's hair. I suddenly felt weak. I didn't know why I didn't feel that way before… I felt my knees begin to shake and I tried to shrug it off. It wouldn't stop. I stood straight and tall, abruptly stopped my singing and concentrated on the food more than I normally would.

Why did Kyo choose her? Why did he choose Tohru? I know it's selfish of me to think these things, but I can't help it. I'm not like her, I can never be like her. Sometimes I wonder were you ever interested me? Did I ever do anything to make you _see_ me? My love is hopeless, but I can't help it. I just can't help it.

Can't you see the pain I go through when I see you together? Can't you see I loved you longer?

I tried to push these thoughts away, it wasn't fair to Kyo or Tohru. It wasn't even fair to me. I must move on and find someone else. I have to find someone I can love and for once be loved back.

I need to be fair to myself as well as the people around me. I need to be strong and support their blossoming relationship.

I know we can't help who we fall in love with, but sometimes I wish we had never met Tohru. I wish she had never found our secret and that Hatori erased her memories earlier. I felt that I didn't care what she said about wanting to keep those memories. It would have been better if Hatori had erased them so I wouldn't feel this pain, but then again, it's only me who benefits from that. I'm being selfish again.

I stirred the red tomato sauce more vigorously. I didn't know why, but I just couldn't let go of Kyo. My darling koishii, why is he doing this to me? Doesn't he remember when we were children?

When he asked me to marry him, or was that just a dream, my own little fantasy? Was it real? I try desperately to push these thoughts away, but they keep coming back to haunt me. These thoughts plagued my mind till finally I finished the food. I put the pasta in a bowl, and the sauce in another one. All the while keeping a strained smile to ward off any suspicions.

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Yuki helped me set the table as everyone entered the small dining room. We ate and talked, but I kept silent unsure of what to say. I didn't pay attention to anything they said, I only nodded when something was asked and shook my head when everybody else did.

I quickly finish my food and stand up. While flashing everybody a grin, I announced my departure. "I'll be off now!"

Tohru stands up, as was expected and, of course, protested against my leaving so soon. She wanted me to stay a little while longer, she wanted me to relax and have fun. It's just like her to think about having fun and being happy, after all that's what she does. She tells everyone to have fun while she slaves herself, thinking that she is having fun as well. "Why don't you stay a little while longer? Are you sure you want to go so soon?"

I ruffle her hair in an effort to seem good humored, "Of course!"

I wave and then, before anyone could say anything, I left. I showed myself out of the house and started walking towards the main house. I walked away from Kyo…

I hold my hands behind my back and started whistling. It was then that I realized that I had left my backpack at Shigure's. I didn't want to go back, knowing full and well that Kyo was annoyed with me. I know that before Tohru, I would have run back there just to see Kyo. I know I would have stayed there for hours.

I know Kyo doesn't want me to be around because it hurts him, he's such a nice guy. It would hurt him to know that I would always be depressed about him and Tohru, even though I don't show it. I hear someone calling my name and I turn around to see that it's Kyo running towards me. I felt my heart rise, like I was flying. Kyo is running after me. Does he really care?

He catches up and hands me my bag. "You forgot this." I smile up at him as he turned to leave.

"Tell Tohru I said thanks."

"What the hell for?"

"Well, she told you to give me my bag right?"

He nodded. "She wouldn't drop it. She kept telling me to do it."

"She could have told Yuki or Shigure."

"It doesn't matter! She told me to do it and that's it!"

"You have a hard time telling Tohru 'no?" Kyo was really getting annoyed with me and my silly rambling, I could tell by the way he ground his teeth together. He always gets annoyed with me.

I smiled up at him and he stops probably thinking that I may go crazy any minute. I hold myself back, no matter how much it hurts me I can't hurt him anymore. No matter how much he insults me, I just can't lift my fist to strike him. That's all it ever was, me going ballistic and hurting him because _I_ was angry that things didn't go my way. I was afraid he would not accept me that it grew to the point that I hurt even him. I was hurting myself by loving him, but I couldn't help it.

"Tohru's really special to me…" He backs off slowly and, before he gets too far, I fling myself on him. He screams thinking that I was going to beat him up **again**, but instead I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face into his chest.

"Kyo…" Why? WHY?! Why her? He tensed in my arms. "Kyo, why Tohru?" I didn't look up at him, but I knew that he was surprised at my question. "Why do you want someone you can't hold? Can you hold her like I'm holding you right now?"

He stays silent. "Kyo! I've loved you longer and deeper than anyone alive!" I clutch onto his shirt like it's my life line. "Do you love her smile? Her laugh? Is it– Is it because she's not me that you love her? Am I not good enough? I can change! Just tell me… Kyo…" I look up at him this time. "Kyo, I need you… I thought we would always be together. I thought we were fine together… We were compatible. Is it because I'm the boar? Is that it?"

I can see the changes of emotion displaying on his face. "Kyo… Kyo… I… Love you…" Suddenly a sharp sting erupted on my cheek.

I gasp and press a hand against my now red cheek. I look up at Kyo and see that I've caused him hurt once again. I smile against my pain. He loves Tohru, no matter what I do and say, no matter how it hurts me so, no matter what he will always love her. There's nothing I can do, but be there for them against all the pain it may cause me. That's the only way to be close to him by being there to see them together. Although Kyo turns to a cat whenever Tohru embraces him, their love just grows stronger and stronger.

"Don't you ever say that again…" Kyo's lips are trembling, I can see it. "It's not right… Kagura… I can never return your love. Find someone else…"

He trailed off and when he couldn't find anything to say he left me there, standing all alone. I looked up at his retreating form and closed my eyes. Cold tears soothe the stinging pain of my cheek, and it also helps soothe the pain in my heart.

Can I choose someone else to love? I love Kyo, but can I truly get over him? Finally I turned my back, trying my hardest to walk away and after a long pause I finally did.****

**TBC**

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**I hope you liked this chapter. I really think this fic is going downhill, but don't worry! I won't give up on it! I would be really happy if you sent me ideas and reviewed my story. If you have time you can check out my other stories. I really don't like Tohru, and I hope I don't offend anyone. I await your reviews!**

TALLY-HO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Review puh-lease!


	4. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything, but the plot.

**Summary**: She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**_I'll Forget It All :_** _Chapter Four_

_Kagura_

I walked to the park with a heavy heart. I was too grief-stricken to wipe the tears that just kept coming and coming. My vision became blurred and I could no longer see where I was walking. He slapped me, it was the first time he had ever  struck me. Was my love really that terrible? Can't anyone see the pain  that I was going through? I was hurting inside and I felt that no one in the world cared, that I was useless and unworthy.

Can't Kyo tell my smiles are fake or am I just an invisible? Did anyone know that I just wanted to hold him, and hold him, and hold him, and never let go? Was I too clingy or am I not pretty enough? Is my hair the wrong color?  Is it my eyes? Kyo! Look what you have done to me!

I finally made it the park, my small little haven, and sat down in one of the small swings. I gently swing back and forth and I wrapped my arms around myself to ward off the cool breeze. I wonder would things be different if I had never met Kyo. I love him so much and I know that it's pointless to love someone who will never love me back, but if there was a chance if he discovered that Tohru wasn't everything he expected I could take him back, I could _always_ take him back. He just has to tell me that he wants me and I'll forget the pain he put me through. He just has to tell me he needs me and I'll embrace him with love. He just has to tell me he loves me and I'll forgive him for everything. All he has to do is just accept me and everything will be brighter, for me that is. I'll forget the pain and loneliness if he just tells me he loves me. Please, Kyo, tell me you love me because I love you so much.

It's getting darker and the stars are beginning to shine in the night sky.

I want to smile, I want to be happy. I don't want to pretend anymore. I want to smile a real one and never feel unaccepted again. I want happiness, I want love.

I can't bare the thought of having to live without him. He was my strange obsession, he was my love. I loved him more than I loved anything else possibly can, yet he did not return my love. Shall I be a victim of unrequited love?

Why do I go on loving him, when he obviously doesn't love me?

He has me hooked on love and it just won't let me go. I'm drunk with unattainable love and I just need someone, anyone, to save me from the pits of my own despair.

_Yuki_

I saw Kyo enter the house, he was very angry I could tell. Tohru immediately runs to him, to comfort him, like she had done that night they proved to the world that they deserved one another.

Through all the pain both of them had gone through, it was only appropriate that they would end up together. Kyo's pain of never being accepted was soothed by Tohru's innocence which enabled her to show him how wonderful life could be. They both deserved someone who would make them happy.

I can't truly ever be with anyone because of my fear of being rejected. Why does it seem that people can't accept me for who or what I am?

Well, I have myself to blame seeing as I never revealed the true Yuki Sohma to anyone except Tohru. I never believed that anyone could accept me, but then she appeared with her goofy smile claiming that everything will be alright and I trusted her. Now that she's chosen someone else, the pain is evident in my heart. The loss of her brought me to the reality that I did indeed love her.

In the background I can hear Kyo talking to Tohru about his encounter with Kagura. "She was strange."

At the sudden comment, Tohru looked up at Kyo most likely checking him for any injuries that might have occurred because of Kagura's raging behavior. Seeing that he wasn't harmed, Tohru smiled and replied, "Now, Kyo, she's just probably tired. She did look quite tired when she came. I mean she _is_ in College and taking extra classes. Oh! Maybe we shouldn't have asked her to come, but if we left her out she might get offended!" Tohru clasped her hands together. "We must call her now! Let's take her out to lunch tomorrow, she may need a brake and we still need to repay her for taking up her whole afternoon."

Tohru ran into the other room and when I looked up at the cat I saw that he still seemed to be confused. "What happened? Couldn't find her, could you?" His began breathing in more deeply, as if to try and calm himself.

"It's not that, you damn mouse! She's acting all strange! She told me, she loved me!"

"Baka neko, she tells you that every time she sees you." Then, for what seems to be the first time, Kyo was actually serious. He sat down at the tea table and laid his head against the wood.

"It was different… she was crying when she said it. Sh-she asked me why I love Tohru…"

He trailed off, but his statement got me thinking, why did _I _love Tohru? Why her out of all the girls in the world?

"She asked me, why didn't I choose her?" Kyo shook his head, "Isn't the answer obvious?" Kyo gave out a sarcastic laugh and at that I was suddenly overcome with the urge to hurt him.

"She was really sad today, though." Kyo looked at me and immediately looked down out of guilt.

"Tohru is calling her right now." Kyo looks up at me, his mouth opening as if to say something when Tohru entered the room with a worried look on her face.

"Honda-san, what's wrong?" Kyo's eyes perked up when he saw Tohru.

"Kagura isn't home yet." Tohru turned her eyes away as if she felt personally responsible for what has just happened. "Oh, no. What if something happens to her? What if it's my fault?"

"Tohru, it's not your fault." Kyo replied, rising up to comfort her.

I look out the window and sigh. What was Kagura thinking? Didn't she realize that we would all be worried? Was she suffering because of the rejection?

Fed up with thinking, I went to my room and fell asleep hoping that Kagura would return home.

I woke up moments later and the rest of the night was spent deep in thought of Kagura. Did she go home? Was she there now? Feeling sympathetic, I climbed out of my bed and sneaked out to look for her. When outside the first thing that came to mind were places where would I find her, then I remembered the small park that Kyo would always avoid at all costs.

I need to quench this growing fire of anxiety. She should be at home, in bed, and sleeping. She shouldn't be out here at this time of night. I quickly made my way to the park when worry took over my body.

When I see the park around the corner, I speed up in hopes to see it empty. My hopes, however, were diminished when I see a small body swinging back and forth. It was Kagura. Why didn't she go home? Didn't she know it's dangerous at night? I collapse from exhaustion and relief, she was safe.

**TBC**

**Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed this short chapter. I know it may not be everything you were hoping for, but at least I updated.**

**Review puh-lease.**


	5. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything, but the plot.

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**_I'll Forget It All_** : _Chapter Five_

_Yuki_

I sat up from the dirt in which I was sleeping in, I don't know why I had stayed there all night. All I did know at the moment was that Honda-san will be very worried if she wakes up to find that I'm not there. I rub my eyes and glance at the swing, Kagura was still there. She didn't seem to be crying. She just sat there gently swinging back and forth. I don't know why I was worried; after all she studied martial arts with Kyo.

She must have heard something because I saw her look straight at me.

"Yuki?"

I stood up.

She wasn't crying. Her eyes weren't red or swollen proving that fact. They just looked different. There was no warmth or anything in their big brown pools. They were dull and emotionless, not easily read as they normally were.

Why did she just have to sit there with innocent and yet sad eyes? Why did her forlorn face haunt my memory?

"Kagura?"

At the sound of her name, her eyes dropped to the ground like an undisciplined child discovered at the scene of the crime.

Baka neko, he couldn't see how much Kagura loved him. He couldn't see the love in her eyes when she looked at him, just him. Her eyes are always filled with loving warmth, but he took it away; you stole the light from her eyes. The way they would always brighten just for just Kyo would put the sun to shame.

"Yuki, shouldn't you be at home?" She didn't look up, but I could tell she was depressed because her voice sounded dry and empty.  

"Did you stay here all night?" I retorted, purposely evading her question. What could I say?

She shivered a slightly. It's harder to go on knowing that you would have to choose another Sohma just to be held lovingly. It hurts to know that if you choose someone outside of the zodiac you could never hold them. That's why I keep all the girls at school away from me.

She slowly nodded her head.

"Kagura, look at me." She slowly lifted her head, but her eyes were still downcast. I cupped her chin and forced her to look at me.

"Do you still love him?"

In response, she nodded her head.

"Why?"

She sat there, lost for words, her eyes searched mine. I guess for a sign, some kind of sign that would tell her why I would ask these questions.

"Because I just do, do I need a reason to?" Her answer seemed unsure, but it also had a kind of force behind it. It was as if she was trying to convince the world and herself that she did not need a reason for loving Kyo the way she did. She wore an expression of a sad and unconditional love, bust she still had enough courage to face this new depression. I couldn't help what I did, even though it wasn't a big deal. I just couldn't help it. She just looked so lost, sad and–

Beautiful?

_Kagura_

I sat there, dazed. Yuki was embracing me as if I would run away, like I would disappear. My arms hung limply at my side and I made no attempt to hug him back. His concern was comforting, but not the comfort I seek.

Why do I love Kyo?

I never doubted my love for him, though I always held a dark secret within me. We had known each other since childhood, but he wasn't allowed to do a lot of things. He was allowed, however, to be friends with me because I was part of the zodiac.

Looking at myself after these years made me realize how selfish I used to be. I used to believe that I had the worst life ever, even though I had a mom and dad that loved me and spoiled me to death. It was as if I longed for something more. I had everything a child could ever want, but still I was not satisfied. Then I met Kyo and my life was heaven compared to his. He was always a loner, I guess that's why he ignored all my advances. We used to be friends, but deep down I know that Kyo hated me because of what I did. As the years passed I soon grew to hate myself as well.

Why do I love Kyo?

Because I was trying to mend something that could never be mended. I had hurt him deeply and to this day he still holds it against me. We were small kids playing outside as we usually did till I caught sight of his bracelet. I've never noticed before. He told me that he HAD to wear, but I wouldn't listen. I wanted to wear it, it was really pretty. I just wanted to wear it for a short while, but I never expected the monster you were trying to hide.

He didn't tell me that the bracelet was to protect himself and the people around him, so I took the bracelet ignorant of the reason of why I shouldn't. He transformed before my very eyes and I ran. I didn't trust him enough to be able to hold back in a seemingly uncontrollable form. I abandoned him and so, as years passed, he abandoned me.

From that day forth, he distanced himself from me. He didn't want anything to do with me, even after Hatori erased his memories of what ever happened that day. I, being the selfish person I was, wanted attention. I wanted o be the first person to accept you, all of you. I wanted to be the heroine who was able to accept a monster, all this to make myself from that day disappear. All this to make the selfish me disappear.

Why do I love Kyo?

Because of my selfishness and my thirst for attention, that's why. I never knew that love can spring from selfishness and when I found out, I was already drunk with my infatuation. I was in the deep end, and there was no one who could pull me out. I was trying to mend our friendship and tried to convince you to trust me again. I tried to bridge our minds and hearts and be lovers. The memory, however, of me running away will always be imprinted in his mind, although he may not remember, causing him to never want to accept me.

When your form was revealed to Tohru, she didn't run. She cares too much for everyone and she went back. Kyo… Is this why he loves Tohru? Is it because she is so selfless?

I can be that way too, all I need is a second chance.

_Shigure_

The house seemed unusually empty. I don't know why, but it seemed like there was something missing. It was then that I heard it. Tohru's voice echoed through the whole house.

"Sohma-san is MISSING!"

Damn rat! Where did he go?

"Good riddance!" Kyo's voice was followed by a sharp intake of breath, which I assumed was Tohru. Suddenly she started crying, collapsing to the floor with her head in her hands.

"What if he left because of something I did? Why-" there was a pause, "Why did he leave? Was it me? It's all my fault. I can't figure out what it could have been, but I know that it's all my-" She was cut of, thankfully. I don't think I could take Tohru beating herself up for something that wasn't her fault at all. Kyo had slapped his hand over her mouth and kissed her cheek. She reddened immediately and stayed quiet. Tohru started crying again and muttered things about how it was her fault.

"Tohru," Kyo grabbed her hands and held them tightly in his. "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything, the damn rat probably went for a walk or something." Tohru seemed to relax because of that, but deep down I know she is still beating herself up about it. She was so predictable.

I took a deep breath and, "High school girls! High school girls! All for me!"

**TBC**

**I completely ruined the moment at the end! LOL! I find that terribly funny! I'm sorry to the people who like Tohru! I made her seem like a complete ditz…**

**I'm going to use all the character POV's about Kagura's change… I hope you like it! Just wanted to say that so no one would get confused. **


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary**: She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers**: I don't own Fruits Basket.

**_I'll Forget It All :_** _Chapter Six_

_Shigure_

I just ruined the moment and I could tell that Kyo-kun was really irritated with me. He glared at me, but I didn't really pay him much attention. I just continued my favorite song.

I looked down at Tohru and saw that she was really worried about Yuki. I better ring Hatori to make sure Kagura made it home alright. She probably did, well at least I think she did. She is very skilled at martial arts so the chance that she would get hurt lessened.

I noticed a change in Kagura, I can't explain it. Well, for one: she didn't chase Kyo around. She was more quiet and serene, which was rare. Actually, I found myself missing the old Kagura. She did provide a wonderful entertainment, especially when she was with Kyo. It was like something was missing.

Maybe it was because her smile was empty and her eyes were distant. Maybe it was because she didn't talk much and kept her head bowed. Kagura was normally very active. She would talk on for hours about stories she had just recently heard. She was normally full of energy, words, and stories, something that seems to be on short supply yesterday. Maybe she was just tired, as Tohru said, but it seems different from fatigue. I see Tohru walk into the kitchen, probably to cook breakfast. Suddenly the doorbell rang and the only thought that went through my mind was: Now! Ladies and Gentlemen! Shigure's disappearing act! Mii-san, there's no use in ringing!

_Tohru_

Where's Sohma-san? Did he leave because of something I did? What could it have been? What did I do? Sohma-san was never one for mornings, so he was usually the last one up. He's never been up before me. Something is dreadfully wrong and, although Kyo says it isn't my fault, I can't help but feel that it is.

I almost forgot to cook breakfast in all the commotion I had caused and I'm sure that Shigure might think I'm getting too laid back if I don't start right now. I put a determined expression on my face and start cooking. I can't let him, or anyone for that matter, think I'm slacking off especially since he let me stay at his house.

I hope Kagura-chan made it home last night. I didn't have the chance to call before I went to bed, maybe I should later today.

I sniff a little while cooking the rice. Suddenly a pair of hands holds my waist and I freeze up. I feel sweat start to form because of my anxiety. It must be Kyo! I'm so nervous, what should I do? I can't tell him to stop because he might think I don't like him, but if I don't tell him to stop he might think, he might think that I'm easy. I don't know what to do.

M-mom, what would you do in this situation?

"Tohru, you're still worried." Kyo's breath brushed against my ear and I start to shiver.

"N-no I'm not!" I stuttered, still unsure of what to do.

"You're a terrible liar."

I blushed; I could feel the heat crawl up my neck and into my cheeks. I hear him chuckle behind me.

"Let me cook. You need to rest."

I turn around immediately and put my hands up. "No! I couldn't! Just leave the cooking to me! I don't want to make it seem like I can't cook now! Just relax Kyo-kun and leave everything to me!"

He chuckles again. "You're funny."

I get a dazed look, I'm funny. Is that a complement? Oh, I'm getting dizzy! I shouldn't confuse myself like this all the time. Just keep one thought in mind! That's the spirit!

I turn back to the food. I can still feel Kyo-kun behind me, I can feel the warmth radiating off his body.

"No, really Tohru let me cook."

"Kyo, it's okay! I'll cook! I don't want to impose or anything! Don't worry about it! I'm good at cooking anyway!"

I guess I'm lucky to have Kyo to love, but what about Kagura? She's always been after him. I look down at the food and an image of Kagura's smiling face appeared in my mind. She was my friend and yet here I am with the objection of her affection. I'm in love with Kyo, someone she's loved since childhood. Is this right? Can I go on knowing that I caused Kagura pain? She seemed to be happy yesterday, nothing unusual happened except the fact that she didn't chase Kyo around. I thought it was because she was over him.

What if she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore?

I sigh out loud and at that I feel Kyo-kun shift behind me.

"Are you okay?"

I nod my head with a big smile on my face.

"It's just… It doesn't matter!" I smile and laugh a little to show that I was okay. Yup! I need to stay happy so that they will not worry about me. They were really nice to take me in after my mother's death and I don't want to be a bother to them any further.

But still, I'm sorry for falling in love… with Kyo. I'm really sorry that I stole Kyo from Kagura. I've never really meant to, it just happened so fast. Everything happened so fast.

I'm so, so, so sorry for falling in love, Kagura. But, can we really, truly stay friends after this?

I feel so guilty for being so happy and you're sad. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…

_Hatori_

I sat in my office, occasionally glancing at the picture of Kanna. She looked so happy in that picture and it made me miss her more. I wish I could see her again. Our love was sweet and we thought it would never end. All good things, however, must come to an end no matter how improbable it may seem.

_What happens to snow when it melts? _

_It becomes water, right?_

_Phhtt! No, it becomes spring! _

I remember that day as if it were yesterday. She had just first arrived at my office for a job and I was smitten. She was so beautiful and full of spirit. I loved her with every part of my body. Her spirit and body was beautiful and basked in the glory of loveliness. Akito forbade our marriage and he blinded me that day, but I could never blame him for it.

How could I blame a child who was going to die? How could you blame someone when at the moment of their birth they were told that they would die at an early age? His life was filled with hospitals and medicine. His life was filled with thoughts unavoidable early death.

How could you blame that?

The coldness and bitterness of an early death. The hatred that seeped through him with each passing sickness. It weakened him, and yet made him stronger.

How could you blame that?

Kagura-chan hasn't come back last night. I think she might still be with Kyo. My mind drifted back to the day, two days ago when she asked me to erase her memory of him, but after Akito took her away she wouldn't leave her room until yesterday when she left to go to Shigure's.

I remember hoping that she would be able to get over him by seeing him again. She had grown a little mature since the revelation of his true form, but I know she has seen it before. She seemed more quiet and morbid. I knew what was wrong.

She was in love, but tried to force herself out of it. I could tell she wanted to hold on to the hope that he will come to her and I can tell that she wanted to hold on to the silly infatuation she had. She wanted to love him and have him love her, yet she wanted to let him go and force herself out of love. She tried to force herself to ignore him.

Kagura, I pity you.

Unlike you, I have accepted the fact that I will never be loved like Kanna had loved me. I accepted the fact that Kanna has found someone else and I'm happy. She deserves happiness.

I look outside and watch the birds in the courtyard. It was a lovely spring day.

The phone rang.

I pick it up.

"Hello."

I hear crying in the background, and then Shigure's voice comes on. "Oh! Hatori, has Kagura come home?" In the background I can hear Mii-san's voice. She's probably begging for Shigure's writing. I chuckle to myself.

"Are you asking because you're worried? Or are you just trying to find a new way to torture your editor?"

"Of course I'm worried! How could you say such a thing?! Quite frankly, Hatori, I'm really hurt!"

"She didn't come home last night."

Without saying a goodbye, I hang up the phone and massage my temples. I don't know why, but everything Shigure does amuses and annoys me.

_Kagura_

Yun-chan was so nice and understanding. I wish kyo could be like that, so he would understand what he was doing to me. I wish he could see me for who I am.

"Kagura?" I look up at you and you hold out your hand. "Everyone might be worried."

I take your hand and walk along side with you to Shigure's house. Will it be right for me to think that you just needed someone there to undergo the same torture as you?

I don't think so. I won't think like that. At least I can watch Kyo be happy with Tohru. I should have known, I should have known better than anyone else.

They were so compatible in everyway, although they were opposites. They just fit. I guess that selfish part in me will never go away. I loved him deeper than she can ever love, yet you chose her shallow love over mine.

Did he even notice the emptiness in my eyes? He wouldn't, he couldn't. He was too much in love with someone else to pay me much attention. It was then that I remember that Yuki still had my hand in his. I just noticed how big his were compared to mine. I suddenly felt so small and insignificant, but when I looked up to see him smiling all the bad feelings were gone.

I slip my hand out of his and clasp them behind me.

"You know, Yun-chan, maybe I'll just go home." I smile up at him. He looks down at me with his lavender eyes and shakes his head.

"We'll just call Hatori-san and tell him that you're with us."

"I don't think Kyo would want me there."

"I don't care what that baka neko wants." I giggle lightly to cover up my growing fear and sadness. That _baka__ neko?_ I guess when they do have a friendship, its going to be a complicated one. A small part of me didn't want to go back, but that was a small part and it fought overwhelming odds.

**TBC**

**I hope you liked this chappie! It really took a lot out of me! I wasn't sure if you, my public, would like this. Well, what do you want for the next chappie? Have any ideas? Anyone? If you do, just email it to me! LOL! Well, thank you my loyal reviewers. **

**Review puh-lease.**


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket.

**_I'll Forget It All_** : _Chapter Seven_

_Kagura_

I looked at Yuki's back and contemplated the choice of running away or not. I didn't know why he had to take me back there just to be tortured. This is so painful because I wasn't sure if I could be able to watch them be happy together.

"Yun-chan!" I tried to pry my hand out of his. "Yun-chan, I can go home!"

I don't know why, but it seemed that Yuki was trying to help me. I don't know how, but he really seems to be trying.

"Yun-chan?"

He finally stopped and looked down at me.

"What's wrong?"

He gave me a long hard stare, as if to try to see through me. I tried to raise my head and meet his gaze, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to see distaste in his eyes, I didn't want to be rejected as a friend. Kyo always stared at me with that long stare of distaste, but I'd just brushed it off. I thought he would always be mine, I thought that there would never be another to try and win his heart.

I never thought that anyone could accept any one of the zodiac. I tried with all my might to show him how much I loved him, but I ended up going crazy. Do you think it's easy for me to hurt him? Do he think it was easy for me not to run after him?

I wish I could just tell him to stay with me, but whenever I do he just turns away. Kyo…

"Nothing."

"…"

His grip on my hand lessens a little and his face slowly relaxes into a small smile. He leans his forehead against mine.

"It's okay." He breathed, his sweet breath brushed against mine.

And for that one instant I thought that I could find a new love in Yuki. Is it so wrong?

Just as swiftly as the thought came to me, it went away and a cold emptiness replaced it. We are all part of the same curse of loneliness. Kyo, he found his redemption, but what about the rest of us? I could never replace Kyo. He's too precious to me. I love him with my whole heart and I never want him to go away. I never want to replace him. Never, never, never…

I don't want to fall in love again. It's too much pain, it's just too much pain.

"Don't go." My voice sounded hoarse and pathetic. I just wanted someone who understood my sufferings and right now that was Yuki.

"I'm right here." He smiled weakly and pressed a hand against my cheek. It was then that I noticed that I was crying.

I needed someone to console me. Someone who understood me and my pain. In life we must feel pain and sorrow because we are only humans. Our flaws make us who we are and they also mold us into what we are to become. We must suffer because we have love. We must suffer because we have compassion, we have emotions. We're not like animals that follow their primal instincts. We are living beings with souls and hearts for love. We have dreams and wishes.

I am the boar of the zodiac, the stubborn and violent boar. Of course I also have boar-like behaviors and habits, for instance my appetite matches that of a boar and my explosive temper are both boar-like behaviors. The boar, of course, isn't a very lady-like sign, it is better fitted for a man.

 "Kagura?"

He wiped my tears away and gripped my hand. He started pulling me to Shigure-san's house. The one place I did not want to go to. I did not want to go to Kyo, I just didn't want to go back.**__**

_Yuki_

I could tell Kagura was hesitant about going back to Shigure's, but I didn't want to go back again. I know that if I went back alone, I would be lost. I'd see Tohru smile, a smile that was never meant for me but for Kyo. I didn't want to face this alone and so my darker side shows as I bring Kagura to suffer with me. I didn't want to be there watching the happy couple while I was sad and alone.

Kagura doesn't know why I want to bring her back. She doesn't know. She could never know. Sure she understands the pain of a broken heart, but she is too innocent to understand the bitter-sweet cruelty I was currently inflicting upon her in forcing her to return with me. I didn't want to face this alone and so I needed someone there with me. I don't want to keep running, but dragging you into this is making me run faster and I can't stop. I told Kyo that I didn't want to run anymore and that he shouldn't either, but I can't help it. I'm too cowardly to meet my sorrow face to face. Tohru, although angelic, cannot possibly know how much pain she has inflicted upon me and Kagura by choosing Kyo.

We're finally home. I look up at the house and hear shouting.

"Shigure?!" It's probably Mii-san. I honestly don't know why that lady puts up with him when all he does is turn in his papers late. We enter the house and immediately all I wanted to do was walk out again. There was Mii-san doing a little victory dance.

"Guess what Yuki! We just hit the best seller's list!" Shigure shoved a book into my hands.

_Love and Sorrow_

What a unique title? I turn to the back and start to read.

_A tragic love triangle. Two friends love the same girl, but when she chooses one has to go. The three "friends" go through hardships and obstacles to reach their common goal: love. Though Toki is oblivious to all that is around her, she tries to help everyone and make their lives as comfortable as possible. She is a beautiful girl living in a house full of men. She is kind and gentle and there is probably no flaw to her except her low self-esteem._

_What happens when another girl enters their already tangled hearts? Kasaki loves Kouga, but Kouga loves Toki. Yuuhi loves Toki as well. _

_It is one of the most riveting love triangles of our time. _

I had the urge to slap Shigure. How dare he take our story and publish it? How dare he? I give the book to Kagura and walk into the kitchen. Upon entering, I could hear Tohru and Kyo talking.

"Kyo-kun! Shigure's book is really on the best seller's list!" She was as excited about the book as Mii-san was.

"Feh! I wonder where he got the idea…"

"Shigure-san is so brilliant!" I look inside and see Tohru with her hands folded under her chin. She looked up at Kyo with those lovely brown eyes, which were outlined for love. Kyo really doesn't know where Shigure got the idea? Baka neko…

I casually walk in and grab a soda from the fridge. Tohru doesn't even say hi, she's just so happy that Kyo is there, she's so happy to be with him. I leave the kitchen without a sound and sit at the coffee table. I see Kagura sitting at the other side reading Shigure's book. Her hair fell over her shoulder and she pushed it back, and as she did I noticed a long scar marring her cheek. I don't know why I didn't see it before. I quickly walked towards her, pushed back her hair, and examined the scar.  

"Who did this?"

She remained silent. Why didn't I notice before? Why didn't anyone notice?

"I… I fell." She didn't look at me, but stared at the window.

"You're lying."

She bowed her head in defeat.

"Who did it?"

"It's doesn't matter who did it."

"Yes it does."

"No one cares anyway."

Had she already fallen that deep? Had she fallen to a place where she thought no one cared for her? What about Shigure, Hatori, Momiji, and Kisa? They would care. Does she really think no one cares for her? I care.

"Kagura…"

She mumbles.

"What?"

She lifts her head and looks into my eyes with her sorrowful ones.

"Akito."

Her voice was so low and I could tell that she immediately wanted to stay quiet about it. I rise to my feet and leave the room.

_Shigure_

I watched Kagura and Yuki. They didn't know that I was there. Kagura was reading my novel and then flipped her hair. Yuki seemed to notice something and was at her side immediately. He fingered her cheek gently. They exchanged words, and from their small conversation I concluded that Kagura must have hurt herself in what she claimed to be a fall. Yuki, however, didn't accept this answer and persisted to know what has happened. She bowed her head and replied that 'no on cares.'

I felt shocked at the answer, _no one cares anyway._ How can no one care? We all love one another. How can she say that no one cares?

"Kagura…"

She mumbles and keeps her head down. Their voices whisper and I strain to hear, but I can't catch what she is saying.

Yuki stands up suddenly and leaves the room. I took this chance and entered the room myself, and as I did she took to reading my novel once again.

"Shigure? Does this have a happy end?"

"Read it and you'll find out." I smile and her eyes widen as she becomes engrossed in the book once again. I sit myself next to her and examine her face. I want to know why Yuki seemed so distress. Suddenly he enters the room again.

"You're staying, Kagura. Hatori-san will bring your stuff."

I smile, "Hatori is coming!" Yuki looks at me and nods. I turn back to examine Kagura's face again. She pulls her hair back and I see why Yuki was so distressed. She had a long scar along her ear. She hid it from us by covering it with her hair. I look at Yuki and nod to the door. He takes the hint immediately and walks out. Once we were both in the hallway, my curiosity was voiced out.

"What happened to her?"

"Akito."

I nod. I understand right away.  

Yuki walks back into the living room and lays his head against the coffee table. I could tell that this was really stressing him out. Kagura glances at him and I saw the pain flash onto her face, but she doesn't say anything.

Hatori came around an hour later.

_Ding… ding__… ding… _

I open the door and low and behold… Hatori!

He glances in the living room and sees Kagura. She was reading, still. The novel was a rather short book, so she was already halfway through.

"I brought her stuff."

"Why did Akito give her the scar? I know it isn't a big injury and all, but he has never hurt her before."

"You know the boy. He wanted to break the already broken heart. Kyo hurt her bad, even though he doesn't realize how much he has. Did you know that she came to me one day and asked me to erase her memory? She wanted to forget him, but Akito won't allow it."

Poor Kagura.

Hatori hands me a rather large bag.

"Let her stay a week at least."

"But, Kyo…"

"Maybe seeing him happy will make her happy."

Hatori turns and drives away.

Hatori… you understand her. You know how it feels. Do you see Kana anymore? Are you happy when she is?

Are you sure Kagura will like being here? I glance into the living room. She finally put the book down and was sleeping. Yuki was standing in the doorway leading to the kitchen. He leaned against the door post and smiled contently.

I walk over to her and open the book to see that she was almost done. While folding the page to mark her place, one line jumped out at me.

_Kasaki__ made him feel whole again._

**TBC**

**I hope you liked it and about the novel thing, I hope you liked it! We're finished with seven chapters now! VICTORY DANCE! **

**THANK YOU! MY LOYAL REVIEWERS, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay tuned for the next chapter of… I'll Forget it All!!!!!!!!!!! **

**Review puh-lease!**


	8. Chapter Eight

**Author's Note** Do I really need to write these? Like I said in the first chapter, I really felt bad for Kagura.

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

**I'll Forget It All**

**_Chapter Eight_**

_Kyo's POV_

I watched as Hatori drove away. Maybe seeing me happy would make her happy? It sure as hell didn't seem that way. To me, it felt that seeing me miserable gave her pleasure. She only wants me to be with her, _only _her and no one else. She never wanted to see me with other girls; she doesn't want me to be with Tohru. She doesn't want Tohru to love me, to want me, and eventually need me. She didn't want me to love Tohru as I do now. Can one really, truly call this love?

I don't care what she wants. I would only love Tohru and never love anyone else.

Tohru was an angel, onethat stayed by me no matter what happened. She stayed with me during my third form. She cried for me whenno one else would. Not even my own mother cried for me. My mother didn't love me. She feared me.

She checked my bracelet everyday because she was scared. She just thought she was being motherly when she told me she loved me, but it was easy to see that she was lying. She didn't understand me, nor did she accept me. She pretended to, butshe never tried. She was always smiling that fake smile that I loathed so much. She always told me she wanted to keep me all to herself, when in truth she was ashamed of me. She didn't want anyone to see me,her cursed son, the cat.

Because of that legend, the damn rat that decieved the cat by telling him the party was a few days later. Now, because of that, I'm excluded from all family events, from the feeling of acceptance. Because of that damn rat, Yuki.

But, I have something that he never will, whichis Tohru's love. She loves me and not him. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, to have to see us together everyday. I know he loves Torhu too. I know he wants her, but he wants her happiness more.

I watched as Shigure walked into the room and look at the sleeping Kagura. It was almost noon. She was going to spend the week? How will I be able to bear this? She will probably cling to me till she goes back to the main house.

Why can't she find someone knew to love? Shigure looks up at me.

"Can you carry her to her room?"

I fall to the ground, hitting my head.

"Why the hell can't you!"

"I'm not as strong as I used to be." He grinned at me while waving his hand. I look down at the sleeping girl. She looked so peaceful, when she's not chasing me.

I sigh impatiently and pick her up. Shigure flashes me a radiant grin. A leads me to the guestroom with Kagura's bags and her book.

_Shigure's POV_

I watched as Kyo carried Kagura to the guestroom. I don't know why Kagura loves him so much… but it was so romantic how she always hoped that he would come to her. I put a hand under my chin and grin.

If only someone would help her recover. If only someone would help her love again.

Kagura whimpered in her sleep.

Yuki came out of his room. He saw Kyo carrying Kagura and looked at me questioningly. I grin evilly.

"What's wrong Yun-chan?" I ask mockingly. "Are you jealous?" He glares at me and goes back into his room.

"Yuki! Kyo needs help." Yuki opens the door of his room and keeps his head down out of annoyance. He takes Kagura from Kyo.

Kyo smiles in gratitude. Yuki just turns away and carries her into the room. I open the door for him and he walks in and places Kagura in the bed. A faint smile made its way to his lips as he brushes her hair from her face. Tohru appeared at the doorway.

Yuki's face lit up when he saw her.

"Um… it's dinner time!" She gave everyone a big smile. She looked into Yuki's eyes and her smile grew bigger. "Is Kagura coming down?"

He looked back at her.

"I'll just bring up her dinner later." With a smile he and Tohru walked out the door. I took one last look at Kagura and leave the room skipping to dinner. Poor, poor Kagura. It's hard being the boar. She would be stereotyped as rude because the boar is a masculine sign. Poor, poor Kagura, to love completely and not be loved back. Poor, poor girl. I pity you.

_Yuki's POV_

I was bringing the food up to Kagura's room. Kagura was still in bed. She seemed to be sleeping, but I knew better. I stared hard at her face and I saw her flinch. Evidently she could feel my presence and she could feel the hard stare I gave her. She shuddered slightly and opened her eyes.

"Yuki?"

I smiled down at her.

"I brought up your food."

"Thank you." She was unusually silent. I wonder what she's thinking.

"Yuki? You shouldn't have to worry about me. Next time I sleep in, I'll just get my own food so you can rest!" She smiled up at me. But, I knew she was just trying to hide something. She went into silence as she ate.

"Tohru is such a good cook!" She looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes. "And pretty too! Maybe that's why you like her so much!" She took another slurp of the soup.

I shook my head. She was really trying to hide something.

"Tohru is so nice… she'd make any man happy! She can do everything." Kagura stopped eating for a while, and then shrugged it off.

Was that it? Was she pitting herself? Did she really want to be like Tohru just to have Kyo?

"Shigure and Mii-san are having a celebration party about their hit. They want us all to come, but it's pretty formal. So tomorrow we're all going shopping."

Kagura smiled.

"That's nice."

She finished all her food and rose to put it downstairs.

"I'll do it."

"That's okay Yun-chan. I need the exercise." She laughed and put a hand over her stomach as if to say that she was fat.

She grinned a little.

"Or were you hoping to bump into Tohru in the kitchen?" She looked at me with the most innocent look she could give. I sighed and pushed her out of the room. I could hear her laughing through the door. All I could do was laugh with her.

I don't know why. There was nothing funny about what she said. In all actuality, it was kind of offending. But, the way she said it… it seemed like I had a chance. She made it seem like I could still win her. It seemed like she could learn to love me more than just a friend and I could love her too.

I just had to laugh. She loved Kyo and there was nothing that could change it. There was nothing I could do or anyone else could do to make Tohru love me.

I did not know when my tears started to fall, but I didn't brush them off like I would normally do. Instead I cherished these tears. It made me feel relieve. Like there was no pain in the world larger than mine and it was being washed away by my tears.

I haven't cried since I was a child and now I have found a way to vent out my frustration and unreturned love.

_Kagura's POV_

I leaned against the door. All I ever do is hurt people. I hurt Kyo for love of him. I hurt Tohru with my sadness. I hurt Yuki with my words. I hurt the people who mean a lot in my life. Yuki was crying. I could tell. At first it came out as a loud sarcastic, evil laugh…. Then it turned to little sobs.

He was choking because of his love for Tohru. Deep vines of despair wound its way around the frail body and choked the happiness out of him, but he stood tall in all his glory. Yuki never gave up his fight with this vine of despair. He fought on… but, I have already forgotten the words happiness and eternal joy.

I have forgotten them and lost myself to the complete darkness of emotions. I lost my love and life to the darkness within myself… to the envy and anger and self-hatred. I lost my soul, the very thing that kept me going for Kyo was gone and it was replaced by the rusting chain of eternal sadness.

Happiness, you used to be my friend. Now you abandon me when hope is not there. You abandon me to the deep tortures of hell itself and yet you stand there with the love of Tohru and Kyo. You mock me and insult me, and yet I want nothing more than for you to stand by me. I want happiness. I want love and hope and dreams… I want everything in the world and yet at the same time I want nothing.

Kyo… giving you up is going to be harder than I thought.

I walked downstairs and cleaned the plates. The lights suddenly switched on and Tohru was standing at the doorway with her hair in her nightly braids and her yellow pajama's hanging on her shoulders.

"Kagura-chan! You don't have to clean those! I can clean it… Just go up and get some rest." I smiled down at her. She is so sweet.

"It's okay."

She seemed to want to protest again, but she kept silent.

Another figure entered the room. I could tell, I heard his footsteps. Tohru turned to see who it was and suddenly disappeared from my side. That meant that the person who had just entered the kitchen was… Kyo.

"Kyo…" I whispered under my breath.

I finished the plates and saw Tohru happily chatting away with Kyo. His eye met mine and I saw the happiness withdraw and coldness take over. I stood shocked, but as quickly as the coldness appeared, happiness took over again.

Did he really hate me so much? I haven't gone after him all day… I guess it was only because I was asleep. I know he will never love me the way I do… but, I only wanted him to be happy and too see me as someone he'll always cherish.

I never will know why he fell for Tohru, but I will strive my whole life just to discover why. I want and need to change for him, because he is worth it. Some people don't think so, but they don't see him the way I do… not even Tohru. I love him and Tohru can never take that away from me. She can win his love, but our past is intertwined and she will never be able to change that.

I love them, I love them all. With my whole heart and being, but jealousy can't be helped.

Love needs more than silly nothings and chocolates, I need to change and learn what love is all about. I thought I knew, but I guess I don't. Kyo, I need to change… just so he can look at me with a warm expression. I need to change just to make him smile, even if it is not to me. I need him to see me for who I am and not an annoying girl who chases him in the name of 'love.'

I forced a smile on my face and walked out the room. I was going to go upstairs when I collided with warm flesh.

I looked up and stared into the dark eyes of…

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**LOL! Shorter than usual… LOL! I hope you enjoyed the chappie… please review and check out my other stories!**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Author's Note** Do I really need to write these? Like I said in the first chapter, I really felt bad for Kagura.

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

**I'll Forget It All**

**_Chapter Nine_**

_Kagura's POV_

I stared up at Shigure. He smiled his usual mysterious smile.

"Now, Kagura-chan, what are you up to?"

I smiled up at him, "Nothing."

"We're having that formal. Yun-chan told you about that right?" I nodded slowly in response.

"That's nice." Then, he left. He seemed so serious it left me breathless. I have never seen Shigure so serious since Tohru ran after Kyo. I could tell he loved Tohru too, except it was more like a brotherly love. Shigure, what was he up to now? He's always doing strange things; I hope he doesn't do something too extreme.

I smiled as I walked back upstairs. I smiled even when I fell asleep. I dreamed wonderful dreams of me a Kyo and those dreams made me want to stay asleep forever, just so I could be with him in my dreams. When I woke up the next day, I felt determined to make him happy. I _wanted_ him to be happy. I didn't want him to worry about me or anyone else, just himself and Tohru. I wanted Tohru to love Kyo forever. I wanted her to take care of him and to remind him that he is loved everyday.

I was giving my heart and dreams away. I gave Kyo my heart, although he will never know how much I loved him. I gave Tohru my dreams because she is the one that Kyo will love and cherish forever. Even though he can't hold her, he can still love her. It's funny… I tell him I love him everyday and yet he never once looked at me the way he looked at Tohru. He never looked at me with appreciation or kindness. He's always been afraid of me.

It was early in the morning and I was surprised when Kyo came up and woke me. I smiled up at him. I got up and took a shower. When I went downstairs, he was the only one there.

"Where did everyone go?" Kyo looked up at me, and then turned his head aside.

"To the supermarket with Torhu." I looked down at him as he glared at the table. He was either really hungry or… he missed Tohru. I'd go for the latter one.

"Why didn't you go?"

"They told me to stay here and wait for you." He didn't even bother looking up that time. His voice implied that all I was to him was a burden. I wanted him to see me differently, but I guess it will never happen. I sat down at the opposite side of the table. It seemed that I sat there a lot.

I looked up at him, but he was still glaring at the table.

"Damn it!" He punched the table. I silently thanked the heavens that it was thick mahogany wood. It didn't break.

"What's wrong with you?"

I winced. Did he always think so badly of me?

"N-nothing…" I trailed off. I could tell that he was getting more and more infuriated with me. He looked so mad, I bet he could never get mad at Tohru. I bowed my head. I tried to hold back the tears that were coming.

Suddenly, his voice softened.

"I'm sorry… for exploding like that, it's just that you seem so sad and…"

I smiled up at him trying to prove him wrong.

"That fake smile doesn't work."

I bowed my head again.

"Are you trying to get back at me for loving Tohru instead of you?"

"N-no. It's just that…" I put a hand over my chest. "It hurts."

I didn't think Kyo understood what I was talking about.

"Kyo… why did you choose Tohru?"

"I don't know… It's just that she was always there for me and just kept smiling. Through everything we've been through, she just kept smiling."

I nodded, trying my best not to lash out. I wanted to tell him how many times I was there for him. I wanted to tell him how many times I smiled just because he was close. I wanted to tell him how many times we… we smiled together, before my cowardly-self showed. Dear, dear Kyo… You never saw me. You only saw Tohru. I forced myself to smile.

"Would it be nicer if I left?"

I didn't know why, but the idea just seemed more and more appealing.

"Why would you leave?"

"If you don't want me here…." I trailed off again. There was nothing I wanted to talk about with Kyo. There was nothing to say. No questions to ask… nothing.

"That's not a good reason." I looked up at him.

"I got an invite to join an exchange program in America. I wasn't sure if I should go…"

"Then you should go."

I smiled at him… I felt my heart breaking with each word. Although it sounded like he just wanted me to have great time, it made me feel like he was driving me away. Of coarse he wanted me to go away. I've hurt him so many times and I probably also hurt Tohru. I should go… No one truly needs me here. I reached over and covered his hand with mine.

"What the _hell_ do you think your doing!" He stood up immediately, but I didn't let go of his hand.

"Kyo? Do you really hate me?" I bowed my head as I gently caressed his hand.

"W-why do you ask that?" His voice was nervous now. He wasn't mad or anything… just scared. I laughed a little. He was afraid of me?

"I just…" I stopped. I didn't think it was such a hard question to answer. "Do you? Hate me, I mean."

"Kagura… I thought we talked about this. I love you, just not the way you want me to. I don't think I'll ever love you _that_ way." He was trying to smooth out the problem. He didn't want me to go crazy. I could tell that he was trying to edge away, but I wouldn't let him. I gently rubbed my cheek against his hand. I let the warm tears spill from my eyes and wash his hands.

I could tell that he was shocked. He didn't know what to do, so he just stood there and I… I held his hand. I held his hand and he didn't flinch. I knew that he would never love me, but in that moment it felt like he did and no one else mattered. It felt like it was only me and him… I knew it could never happen, but that moment is so special to me.

I held his hand and felt his love for Tohru grow, but I didn't care. That one moment we sat there like lovers, holding each other, trying to shield each other from the terrible world around us. For that short moment… Kyo was mine and I was his. That moment was special to me… and no one would ever take be able to take that moment away from me.

I smiled up at Kyo, then I showered his knuckled with gentle butterfly kisses.

"I love you Kyo." I smiled and let his hand go. He just stood there looking down at me and I stared into his eyes.

"We're home!" Shigure's voice sliced through the silence.

Tohru ran into the room. She smiled and ran to Kyo. She wrapped her arms around Kyo… and in a poof he was a cat.

"Do you always have to do that!" Tohru just smiled and planted a small kiss on his head and he silenced immediately. I watched as he snuggled closer to Tohru who giggled as his cat fur rubbed against her.

I stepped back. It was a beautiful moment, but nothing would compare to the one I engraved in my memory. I stepped back into the kitchen and left the two lovers alone. At that moment, I let him go… but, my heart would never be able to. I would love Kyo till the end of my days.

"Kagura?" I turned around and smiled at Yuki. Somehow, I knew that he was there.

"How was your morning?"

"It's okay so far."

"Have a nice time with Tohru?"

_Yuki's POV_

I felt an anger rise in me. Why did Kagura always have to bring Tohru up? Was she trying to make sure I suffered as much as she has? Does she not know what this is doing to me?

"Yes." I lashed out the word as if it were a curse. I could tell Kagura was offended, but she decided to keep it to herself. She sighed.

"That's nice. It's hard to have a bad time with Tohru!" She smiled up at me.

I couldn't help, but smile back. Kagura was doing something to me… I don't know what, but whenever I see her… the idea of being in love doesn't seem so impossible. Whenever she smiles it seems like I found someone in this lonely world. Whenever she cries it seems like the whole world cries with her. I don't know what she's doing to me, but she touches me in a way Tohru was never able to do.

All thoughts of anger were gone and in its place was a kind of warmth. It started from the pit of my being and spread through my body. I tried to brush this warmth away, but it just grew.

"…"

"Are you okay, Yun-chan?"

On instinct, I reached out and hugged her. I didn't stop myself… I didn't even try. I don't know why, but it was something in her smile that made me hug her. She sighed and gently pushed me away. She offered a soft smile and walked out the door.

I looked down at my hands. What was happening to me? I love Tohru… but, yet something about winning her love didn't seem so rewarding. Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through, but it feels like so much more. What was going on? I look into the living room and I see Tohru... my stomach flutters look into the living room and I see Tohru... wa. and then dropped when I spotted a flash of orange.

I almost forgot about the groceries. While I put it up, Tohru enters the kitchen with that beautiful smile of hers.

"Oh… Hi! Sohma-san! Um…" Why does she always call me that!

"Yes Honda-san…"

She smiled up at me. "Are the strawberries almost ready?"

I felt like something inside me cracked.

"Yes, they should be…"

"…Okay!"

"Tohru…" I whispered it, her name and I could tell that she didn't hear me.

"La, la, la, la…" She sang her little song. She had a beautiful voice. Did she know that? Did anyone tell her how wonderful she was?

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I'm afraid of Kyo getting tired of me."

My eyes widened. How could anyone get tired of Tohru? She was wonderful and there was no one that could ever match her benevolence.

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm not anyone really special… A lot of people believe that I have the power to take anyone's problem away…" She laughed nervously.

"I'm not beautiful and I don't think I'm nice enough… I want to impress Kyo, but I don't have a lot. I was really surprised when he chose me. He always had Kagura…"

She giggled slightly. "He told me that all she was, was an annoyance. I told him that that was mean. He shouldn't think rudely of someone like Kagura. She can't help who she loves."

Just like me. I can't help but love you, Tohru…

"Tohru…"

"Huh?"

I used her first name… for the first time.

"Sohma-san…? Did you say my name…?" She blinked her eyes twice. I guess to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"I did and I will say it many times more. Tohru, Tohru, Tohru…" I grabbed her and held her to me.

Poof!

I turned into a mouse. I snuggled against her chest, just like I saw Kyo do.

"Tohru, I love you…"

"Yuki…"

She said my name!

She plucked me from her shirt and placed me on the counter.

"Yuki…"

"…"

"I never knew…" She looked down at me with wide eyes. "I never knew…" Tears started to form in her eyes.

"I never knew Yuki…"

"You know now." I looked up at her. I hoped against hope that she would respond.

"I can't love you like that…" She forced a soft smiled on her lips.

"I love Kyo." She turned to go.

"You don't understand!" I felt anger seethe inside me. My hatred for the baka neko grew more and more. With every shred of hope he took away from me, I hated him more.

"Tohru, why can't you love me! Why that damned cat!"

I started showing my true envy. I showed every ounce of jealousy I held for the cat.

"I love him because… because he loves me."

"Is that it?"

I snapped out.

Tohru nodded.

"I don't need a reason for loving someone. I believe that love happens and when it does, you'll know. I'm not sure if Kyo is the _one_, but I want to try it out. I need to give him a chance because many people don't. Kyo is special to me and I know I run a high risk by bringing our relationship to a new level. I know that if something happens, we might not be friends anymore… but, I want to enjoy this as long as I can."

She didn't turn to look at me, but I could tell that she was crying.

"I want to find love Sohma-san, but now… the closest thing I have to it is Kyo."

"But, don't I mean anything to you?"

"You will always mean something to me Yuki. You were the one who found me, you helped me… you've been there for me so many times."

She wrapped her arms around herself.

"But, I know that I can't live in a world without Kyo."

That statement broke me. She can't live without Kyo. I felt my eyes burn. I rubbed them with my white paws.

"It's okay… I wasn't going to force you into anything."

"It's okay Yuki!"

She cheered up immediately. It was a break from all the sufferings inside that it made me smile. Past all the pain and fear of rejection, I was able to smile and it was because of her.

"It must hurt to never be able to hold someone outside of the zodiac, but I know that one day it will be broken and you'll find someone who will love you because of you. I know that there is someone out there who is looking for the same thing you are. This is a wonderful world, a big world with many people who are waiting to meet new people. You don't know this, but Yuki you are really amazing. You are smart, caring, nice, and there are many girls at school who just want to talk to you."

She always knows what to say.

"Tohru?"

"Yes, Sohma-san?"

"Promise me… that if it doesn't work out with Kyo that you'll… promise me you'll be mine."

"Sohma-san…"

She looked up at me with a morbid face. I haven't seen her so sad since she went to visit Akito.

"I can't promise anything…"

"It's okay. I'm sorry for putting you through all this trouble."

"No! No… it's okay. It was nice talking to you."

I smiled… but this did not reflect what was going on inside me. I was always afraid of rejection, but the way Tohru did it… it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

"Can you place me near my clothes?"

Tohru blushed and put me on the floor.

"I'll leave."

She turned and poof!

She didn't turn around because she knew what happened, but I could see the rigid ness in which she walked.

I sighed and put on my clothes. Maybe… maybe things will turn out like Tohru said. Maybe there is someone out there who is looking for love, just like me. Maybe there is someone who will find me and love me… like I love Tohru. It will take time to mend this wound deeply imbedded into me, but I will wait. All I want is Tohru's happiness and that is more than I deserve.

Isn't it true? Knowing Tohru is a gift from heaven.

_Tohru_

It hurt me so. I didn't want to break Yuki's heart. And I knew… I knew his fear of rejection and yet it was I who reintroduced the pain to him.

I felt so bad. That's why things seem so empty. It _was_ because of something I did. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I just ended up falling in love with Kyo on the way. I couldn't help it.

Oh Yuki! I'm sorry for all this pain. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, but I can't help it.

I just thought that it was the right thing. I thought that Kyo was the right thing for me. I thought that he would be able to touch me emotionally, and he has. I love him more with each passing day.

Yuki, you and the rest of the Sohmas will always be dear to me, but I love Kyo.

He holds my heart and I would never want it any other way. I love him and that is how it is.

But, I'm sorry Yuki. I'm sorry Kagura… I pray that someone will win your hearts like Kyo had won mine. I hope that you both find happiness in someone else.

I hope you find love…

I believe things will always turn out for the best. No matter how bad things seem, it will always turn out to be for a good reason…

Like my mom's death. Not, that I don't miss her or anything… it's just that if that didn't happen, then I would never have met you. I would never have known you like I do now. I miss her with everyday, but I know she is watching over me. I know that she's smiling and that is what keeps me smiling.

Love is a powerful thing and I pray that hope will heal your broken heart.

As for me, love is the greatest gift I have.

Love is my everything.

Kyo _is_ my everything.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**I hope you liked this chapter… kind of long, but it might just be because of all the spaces. I hope the spaces don't bother you because I feel really comfortable with the format like that. I know it bothers people, but I think it is more easier to read like this. LOL! **

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	10. Chapter Ten

**Author's Note** Do I really need to write these? Like I said in the first chapter, I really felt bad for Kagura. This is really out of character! LOL! Yuki is so mean in this chappie, but please don't be mad! It just fit the plot I had in mind…

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

**I'll Forget It All**

**_Chapter Ten_**

_Kagura_

I sighed as I stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't go to sleep. Tohru rejected Yuki? It seemed so impossible… I don't know. Maybe I was just hoping that she would choose him. God! This is so infuriating! I just wished everything would stop. I just wished that I didn't have to go through this everyday. I wish I was just an oblivious, naïve woman. That way I would be happy. I would never know that he loved her and not me.

They didn't know I was listening. I went back to get something, I think it was a drink for Shigure-san, but I heard them talking and I couldn't resist. I just needed to know what they were talking about and I didn't want to ruin anything, so I hid. I hid so they wouldn't stop talking. I hid so the moment would continue. God… oh Kami-sama! I… I don't… I don't know what I want anymore.

I sit up. Everyone is asleep. I know it because it's almost midnight. No one would be awake. I look up on the bed and saw Tohru slumbering form. Even in sleep she was so perfect. She laid there with her braid over one shoulder and her hands clasped over her chest. I smiled and silently tiptoed out of the room. Tohru moaned uneasily in her sleep, but then her face relaxed into a content smile. I nodded and walked out the door.

I didn't know what I was going to do, but since I couldn't go to sleep… might as well as explore. I don't know this house well enough, mostly because I only have my eye on Kyo when I am here. I think I want to go on the roof. I know Kyo goes there a lot, so I want to too. I want to see the stars that Kyo stares at every night. I want to see the same sky he loves.

I walk outside and was greeted by a cold breeze. I rub my arms and curse myself for my stupidity. I was just wearing my pajamas and I didn't even bother bringing sweater. I just walk against the coldness and went to get the ladder in the closet. I smile as I start climbing up. The cold wind brushes against my back, but I don't care. I just felt like I was returning to something that was lost. It felt like I was returning to the past, to before my cursed selfishness was shown. It felt like I was… I was loved by Kyo. It made me feel like he could love me.

I climbed higher and higher…

"Kagura…?"

My moment was ruined. My strength was gone and I felt that I could not climb the rest of the way I didn't want to go up there. I didn't want to ruin Kyo's spot.

I looked down and saw a sad looking Yuki. I slumped against the ladder as if wishing that I could disappear. I don't know why, but I felt like a little kid caught doing something bad. I just didn't understand anything anymore.

I blinked. I was hoping that it was just my imagination. I was hoping that he would disappear by just blinking.

"Yuki…?"

I slid down the ladder and gently landed in front of Yuki.

"What were you doing?" I looked up at him.

"I… I couldn't go to sleep…so…"

"You wanted to go on the roof because of… Kyo?"

I nodded slowly.

"But, I don't want to ruin his… his favorite place. I can't go up there. I don't feel… worthy enough…"

I felt a hand tilting my head up. Yuki smiled down at me.

"Then we should make our own place."

He picked up the ladder and slowly walked to another part of the house. He smiled at me and started to climb up.

I followed him.

When he got on the top he smiled and reached down to me. I closed my eyes and I can just remember when Kyo trusted me.

_Take my hand Kagura._

Those were the days. I loved it when he called me ne-chan (spelling?).

I opened my eyes and took his hand. He smiled and pulled me up onto the roof. I looked around and smiled.

"It's so beautiful!" I twirled around and hugged myself. It was still cold and I still didn't go back inside to get my sweater. Suddenly an arm slid across my shoulders.

"Your cold." I smiled as we sat down. I didn't make a move to remove his arm… in fact it was very comfortable. It was so warm and I didn't think to throw it away. It was beautiful. The sky and the stars. Everything was so beautiful up here. Now I understand why Kyo comes here all the time. I don't think Kyo saw anything more beautiful… except Tohru.

I bet he thinks that her eyes outshine the stars. I sigh and pull my knees up to my chest. Then I heard sniffling. I looked up at Yuki and saw tears gently cascade from his eyes. I know what he was thinking about. It was Tohru. He was thinking about Tohru and Kyo was probably thinking about Tohru too. Suddenly his grip on me tightened.

"Yuki…?"

"Kagura… you're very beautiful…"

"You don't mean that!" I gently pull his hand from my shoulder.

"Tohru doesn't want me…" This was the first time I have ever seen Yuki so… so broken. Tohru, what are you doing to him? Suddenly he pulled me forwards and his warm lips captured mine. He gently caressed them. Warmth flooded into me. He pulled me closer and I couldn't do anything because the shock had overridden all of my senses. For once someone was… was holding me like a lover would.

Although it wasn't Kyo, I still felt safe. I felt belonging in his arms, but also I felt a sense of betrayal. I wasn't being true to myself when I think that Yuki, or anyone else could love me the way I want to be. His tears fall onto my cheek as he kisses me. This is wrong. Very wrong. He loves Tohru and he is just breaking me when he kisses me like this. He pulls back and we both take big breathes.

He gently caresses my cheek and I lean into his hand. The feeling of love overwhelmed me. I dreamed that Kyo would hold me this way. I dreamed that he would kiss me this way, but I have to let him go although this burning desire grew inside me. I forced myself to give him up, but it was too hard.

"Yuki… This is wrong…"

"I don't care… you are so… beautiful…"

"Yuki! You don't mean that!"

"Of coarse I do…"

"Yuki… don't you see what you're doing. Please… don't pretend that I am Tohru. When you look at me, I know."

"Don't say her name!"

"I know that when you look at me, when you hold me and kiss me… you're thinking of her."

"It doesn't matter… I know that you're doing the same thing too."

I turn away and burry my face in my hands.

"No…"

"Kagura… let us just lie to each other for tonight… Let's just pretend to be different people."

I look up at him. He wanted this… He needed this… _I_ needed this, but it just wasn't honest. I wasn't being me. I was trying to be Tohru, just to spare Yuki from the pain. He looked down at me with hopeful eyes.

"I can't… I'm sorry…" I pulled away from him. I was about to climb down the ladder when his voice stopped me.

"Kagura… I'm sorry for acting that way. I just wanted to pretend that _you_ were Tohru. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Can you just stay here and keep me company?" He looked up at me with a pleading face, how could I say no?

_Yuki_

This is crap. I've spent years never knowing how it was like to be loved. I was abused since day one. Akito beat me to an inch of my life and I found myself constantly wondering how it would feel to die. Would it be painful? What would happen to me? Would anyone miss me?

My parents never really cared for me. To them, I was just a trophy. The "honored" sign of the zodiac. They knew that Akito beat me, but they did nothing about it. It's been a long time since I saw my parents. Ever since I moved in with Akito, they never bothered to visit me. I was wondering if they were happy I was gone. Did they even notice?

It was night and I was just reflecting on the past events. Tohru had just rejected my first advance on her and in a way; she didn't make me feel sad. It just hurt… a lot. I wanted to cry, but kept it inside me.

I was startled by a noise outside. I got up to investigate.

"Kagura…?"

She looked at me and blinked several times. Did she really think I was just a hallucination?

"Yuki…?"

She slid down the ladder and landed in front of me. I asked her what she was doing and she told me that she couldn't sleep, so she wanted to go to Kyo's favorite spot.

She then seemed to change her mind.

"But, I don't want to ruin his… his favorite place. I can't go up there. I don't feel… worthy enough…"

I told her that we could make our own spot and she seemed to like that. She followed me to a different part of the house and we climbed on the roof. She smiled when she got up there. We sat down and I wrapped my arm around her. She was cold. She offered me a smile and didn't make a move to remove my arm.

I looked down at her… God! She was so beautiful… where did that thought come from?

"You don't mean that!"

I said it out loud! Damn! What's getting into me!

"Tohru doesn't want me…" I held her tightly. I brought up Tohru. I looked down at her grief-stricken face and couldn't contain myself any longer. I kissed her. In my mind I was pretending she was Tohru and I knew she knew this, but she didn't stop me. She just kissed me back. I deepened the kiss and she followed. I was drunk with sorrow and that sorrow had overridden any reason I had left. I kissed her and I enjoyed it.

"Yuki… This is wrong…"

I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. She reminded me so much of Tohru and all I wanted to do was hold her and kiss her and pretend that she _was_ Tohru.

"I don't care… you are so… beautiful…"

She tells me that I don't mean it… and I didn't know if I did. All I knew was that Tohru was beautiful… She tells me that I love Tohru…

"Don't say her name!"

She tells me that I just think of Tohru when I look at her… that hurt me because I knew that she was doing the same thing. Why should we lie about it? We are both thinking of someone else. We aren't thinking of each other. She turns away from me and starts crying. I felt guilty for putting all this on her, but I needed this. I needed someone to substitute for Tohru…

"Kagura… let us just lie to each other for tonight… Let's just pretend to be different people."

She looks up at me and I see the inner conflict. Part of her wants to do this, but the other part doesn't.

Her reason overrules all.

"I can't… I'm sorry…"

She was about to leave, but I call her back. I need company. I tell her that I was sorry and she seems to accept my apology. She smiles a sad smile down at me and sits a little way from me. We look at each other, then up at the sky. There was nothing to say. Nothing could break this awkward silence between us. I think about Tohru and how she was react when she saw the sky tonight. It was so beautiful.

The stars shined as if there was nothing to be sad about. They shined so brightly and it forced me to smile. I smile because I remember how Tohru looked when I brought home strawberries. I smile because I remember how Tohru looked when I helped her with school. I smile because I know an angel named Tohru. I will never know what will happen tomorrow, but I know it will be a good day because Tohru will be there smiling her goofy smile.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**I kind of think this chappie wasn't good! If it wasn't, just tell me and I'll try to replace it… okay? **

**Both of them were OoC! Especially Yuki, but it just fit the plot so I had to do it, but if you don't like it just tell me! **

**REVIEW… okay? **

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	11. Chapter Eleven

**Author's Note** Do I really need to write these? Like I said in the first chapter, I really felt bad for Kagura. This is really out of character! LOL! Yuki is so mean in this chappie, but please don't be mad! It just fit the plot I had in mind…

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

**I'll Forget It All**

**_Chapter Eleven _**

_Kagura_

I woke up to the bright sunlight breaking over the horizon. I gently rubbed my eyes, but found that any movement was impossible. I looked down at my arms and saw a hand clutching mine. I followed the hand to an arm, then up to the face.

I gasped out loud. I know that if anyone were to see me now, they would think that I was a fish caught out of the fish tank. Yuki's face was so handsome in the sunlight. His pale skin practically glowed and I see that he is more relaxed, not distant like he normally is. I see his emotions play across his face; a faint smile dominated his lips. Those lips, those soft lips that were once mine. The lips that caressed mine in a lie that we both were living. A lie, pretend, deceit… that's all it was.

He was Kyo to me and I was Tohru to him.

Today we are going to the mall to buy dresses for Shigure's formal party. He had a very interesting novel, but it wasn't that long. I finished it in one day. My attention turned to Yuki when he let out a small groan. All emotion wiped off his face. I couldn't help, but feel disappointed. He never opened to anyone before Tohru came. I just wish he would open up to me too.

"Good morning."

I smiled up at him. "Good morning."

He pulled his arms away from me as if he had been holding fire and tucked his fists into his pajama pockets. It was a very awkward moment. I remembered everything that happened yesterday. Every word we whispered and every star we wished upon. Feeling tears spring into my eyes, I simply blink them away furiously.

He seemed to have noticed that something was wrong, but didn't say anything about it. I guess he thought I needed time to myself. My mind flashed to moments ago when he rested next to me with a small smile dancing on his lips. Come to think of it, it was the first real smile I have ever seen. Smiling I turned to face him. He seemed so different now. He wasn't just the mouse of the zodiac to me; he was a friend… maybe something more.

"Yun-chan! We're going to the mall today! Tonight is Gure-san's party!" I smiled and twirled around. "I can't wait to see everyone wearing beautiful gowns!" I pretended to curtsy and started dancing with an imaginary partner.

Yuki emitted a little chuckle. I stopped what I was doing and cocked my head to the side. A smile was plastered to his face as he shook a little.

"Yuki…" I blinked to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. "Are you laughing?"

He just shook more. I don't see what's so funny. Hm… It's kind of nice hearing him laugh, but I wanted to know _why_ he was laughing. Did I do something weird? I shuddered at the thought. I wouldn't want him to think I was weird, and then I mentally slapped myself. Why should I care if he thought I was weird? I never cared what he thought of me before.

I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "I demand to know what's so funny."

"I don't know…" He stood up and stopped laughing. "I'm sorry for laughing at you, but you looked out of place dancing with no one."

"Huh?"

"Here, dance with me." I looked up at him. This seemed like those moments in the movies when people got together. Dancing during the sunrise, on the roof… in their pajamas. I suppressed a laugh when I imagined how awkward we must look.

He took my hand in his and I just noticed how big his hands were. They were slender with long fingers and they covered mine. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, but before we could start dancing I gently pulled away.

"I think we should go inside. They might worry about us."

Upon entering the house, I could hear Kyo yelling. I listened more and heard that he couldn't find Tohru. I went into the kitchen and found that he was looking for Tohru, but couldn't find her.

"Did you check her room?"

"She wouldn't be there! She's always up first thing in the morning!"

"She could be really tired… and…" I fell silent, unsure of what to say. I could feel eyes burning into my back and when I turned around it was Yuki, still in his pajamas. That made me realize that I was also still in my pajamas. I felt a rush of heat travel to my cheeks.

"I'll check her room."

I rushed out of the situation and ran up the stairs. Why am I so stupid? I shouldn't have said anything… I should have just stayed quiet. I gently place a hand on the door to Tohru's room. I wonder what's wrong. Maybe she's just tired. That must be it… I try to think positively, but everything just comes out so wrong. I wonder what's wrong with Tohru, why didn't she go down early like she usually does.

Everyone's worried about her, don't they see that. I gave the door a gentle push and entered. I heard sniffling from under the sheets. First I walked to the window to let a little sunshine into the room.

I took a glance at the bed and knew that Tohru was crying, but I wonder what she was crying about. I sat next to her shaking form and put a hand on her back. I felt her flinch under my touch.

"Tohru… What's wrong…?"

"I can't…"

"You can't… what can't you do?"

"I can't make everyone happy…"

"Tohru…"

She sat up in her bed and looked at me with bloodshot eyes. Even in this broken state, she looked beautiful. I felt a flare of jealousy build up inside me, but pushed it down. She was my friend. I shouldn't be jealous of her. I'm happy she's with Kyo; she makes him very happy and that's all that matters.

"Tohru, it doesn't matter. There are times when people have to solve their own problems, by themselves…"

She bowed her head and covered her face with her hands. "It's just that I hurt Yuki-san. I shouldn't have stayed here. I should have just let Hatori erase my memory instead of keeping it."

"Tohru, don't regret that! Never regret that. If it weren't for you, Kyo would never have found happiness."

"But, I can't love Yuki the way he wants to be loved."

"It doesn't matter… all that matters is your own happiness and what you're going to do when an obstacle like this appears. You either fight it, or run away."

"But, I don't want to fight it. I just wish everything were back to normal."

"Tohru… Yun-chan loves you, and I know that all he would ever want for you is your happiness."

She sniffled and her little whimpers died down.

"But…"

"No more 'buts.'"

She's so doubtful of everything and yet, it seems as if she also has faith in everything. I always wanted to be able to understand Tohru so I could be like her, but sitting on this bed, listening to her cry… I wanted nothing more than to run away and cry myself. Everyone loves her to death; it just seems so improbable for someone to love me that way. I still love her. She's my friend... she's my sister. I can never be mad at Tohru… She's too innocent to deserve that. She's too loveable… It's hard to hate her, no matter how much you try, she'll just return with a smile that makes you smile too.

"I'm happy you're here Kagura."

"I'm just happy if you'll feel better!" I exclaimed, immediately going into my childish attitude. She got off her bed with a determined look on her face. Her eyes were shining with childish innocence as she ran outside the room and down the hall. I smiled to myself, knowing that I was able to console Tohru had made me feel accomplished. It was as if I had done something worth doing.

_Yuki_

I watched as Kagura raced up the stairs. I knew she heading to Tohru's room, and something compelled me to follow her. I noticed that I have been doing that a lot lately. I noticed that I have been looking at her more than ever… what was happening to me? Every time she ran off, I would follow her. It was as if something was holding me to her and I couldn't get away. I looked up and saw that Kagura was already standing in front of Tohru's room.

She paused, as if contemplating whether to go in or not. I was about to approach her and tell her that I would get Tohru, but she walked in. I went to the door and saw that it was still cracked open. I peeked in and saw Kagura walk to the window and open it. There was something about the way that she walked that made me feel sorry for her. She walked as if she were being prosecuted for something. Her head was bowed and her shoulders were slumped.

She sat next to a shivering figure on the bed and I immediately knew that it was Tohru. They talked, and I listened.

At the end of their conversation I felt guilty. Very guilty for having made Tohru sad. I never deserved her in the first place. She was out of my reach, but something about the way she smiled made me feel like I had a chance to be in love with this beautiful angel. Nothing would ever make me hate Tohru and nothing would ever make me hurt her intentionally. She got up from the bed and I started to walk away.

I don't think I can face her after hearing their conversation. As I walked down the stairs, Tohru sped by me and that was when I noticed that Kagura wasn't anywhere in sight. I went up the stairs again and approached Tohru's open door. I looked in and saw Kagura. She wasn't crying, but all she did was stare at something no one else could see. I didn't go in, but watched her from afar. It's best that way. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**  
I hope you liked it… shorter than usual though… --**

**Let's see, what to say…? Hm… I'm comin' home mama! I'm comin' home!**

**Hm… that's not it… I just wanna say that my other fic, King's Box, is almost finished… so if you haven't started reading it, you better… or else…**

**Hm… I just wanna say that Eclipse is the best! Frey is the best! Kyo Wakamiya! Tooya! Aki! My bishonen! My kawaii bishies!**

**I love you!**

**Review please… or else…**


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Author's Note** Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, I didn't know what to write… -- that's not a very good excuse… how about I was busy…? Jk! I have no idea what I was going to put, but I guess this just poured out.

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

**I'll Forget It All**

**_Chapter Eleven _**

_Kyo_

I noticed that things have been different lately.

I watched Yuki follow Kagura up the stairs. I notice him doing that a lot now, but then I remembered that Kagura was going to Tohru's room. Could that be the reason? To comfort Tohru! Why must that damned rat try to steal her from me! She was the only thing I had. She was the only thing that meant anything to me. No one ever accepted me the way I was.

I didn't want anyone to steal her away from me.

He had everything. He had all the girls chasing after him. Why couldn't he just pick one?

Kagura never accepted me, no matter how much she claims she does. She always chases me and tells me she loves me, but that means nothing. She doesn't understand me. No one does, except her. Tohru understands what it means to not be needed. She understands what pain I go through when I don't seem to belong. She loves me and I love her.

It seemed that my whole life was lit up when she told me how much she cared.

It seemed the whole world lit up when she smiled.

My whole life was about making her happy. My whole life was based on making her love me more.

She was my savior and my life. I needed her. I clung to her.

My sweet Tohru.

Damn. I sound like a lovesick puppy. This is too much for me.

Suddenly, a brown haired beauty wrapped her arms around me.

POOF!

Dammit! Now I'm a cat! This curse really does suck…

But, when I look up at Tohru my anger was swept away. She smiled sweetly down at me with her goofy little smile that I love. That lovely smile.

"Hello Kyo!"

"Damn it! I'm a cat, _again_."

"Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to get you hurt!"

"It's okay…" She stopped her apologizing stage and looked up at me with big eyes and smiled once more.

"I'll go make breakfast!" I smiled up at her and snuggled against her neck. She smiled and picked me up.

"How cute!"

She put me down and walked into the kitchen. I smiled, she made my day complete.

_Kagura_

Tonight was Shigure-san's party and we had to go to the mall to buy the dresses and tuxes. I didn't go down to breakfast. I was too busy thinking about Kyo. Would he come back to me when he saw how much I loved him? Would he love me when he saw Yuki's love for Tohru? How can I convince him how I loved him so?

I stood up from the bed with my hands fisted. I felt so unloved. I felt crushed and unneeded. Why? Why does this have to happen to me? Why doesn't Kyo love me? I loved him, so why does he love Tohru? I knew him longer and loved him longer. Yuki was there for Tohru, so why couldn't Kyo be there for me? I loved him deeply and yet I felt something stir within me when Yuki was near.

For some reason I felt… happy. I felt different when he was close by, as if he had done something to relieve me of the pain I felt.

Yuki… my mind wanders to the time on the roof. He smiled at me, he laughed. It was so magical, but I was just his little Tohru. Did he ever see me as something else? Did he see me as some one else?

I always wanted Kyo to see me as a girl. I want him to see me more than just a little brat who claims to love him. I should move on, I know this, but it's so hard. I know that I shouldn't love him the way I do, but it's hard not to.

Kyo… I wish that you would at least see me as someone worthwhile.

"Kagura-chan?"

I looked up. It seems that I stayed in the room longer than I thought. It was already twelve and I didn't notice. Shigure smiled and brought in a tray of food.

"Kagura-chan! You need to keep up your energy!" He started skipping in the room with the tray and twirled around.

"Tada!" He winked at me and I giggled.

"Shigure-san! You're so funny!" He put the tray on the bed and pats the side next to him.

"Now what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong…"

"You didn't come down for breakfast." He pointed out. I laughed.

"I wasn't very hungry."

"Did something happen up here?"

"No…"

"It's okay if you don't tell me, but your getting the other's worried."

"Whose worried?"

"Everyone…"

I resisted the urge to laugh. Kyo wouldn't be worried, Tohru might, but I'm not so sure about Kyo.

"Tohru…"

"Of course she'd be worried. She's so sweet." I looked up at Shigure and he smiled.

"Yes she is. I guess in a way, she was able to free us all."

"From?"

"Well," he scratched the back of his head, evidently searching for something. "She freed Kisa from her fear of being different. She freed Yuki from his fear of Akito and Kyo from his loneliness…"

Shigure was treading on thin ice. Kyo… Tohru had saved him from loneliness. Tohru saved him and not me. I was the one who followed him like a shadow for years and he loved Tohru in just days. It was so obvious that it hurt me. I remember when I went to Shigure's house to give Kyo chocolate, but he didn't want mine. No matter how much I told him to eat it, he would just reply that he didn't like chocolate. When Tohru appeared with her small box and he ate mine just to get hers.

I was crushed that day, although I didn't show it. I was just so happy that he had eaten my chocolate. I pretended to be oblivious to the love he held for Tohru. I tried to ignore it and say that he'll come back. He always came back… or was it I that always took the step for him?

I smile at Shigure as a sign for him to continue.

"She saved me from my fear of writing."

"Your fear of writing?"

"I'm afraid to reveal who I really am in my books."

I smile. "There's no reason why you should be scared. You are always a different person when you write."

He smiles at me.

"It seems as if Tohru has managed to save everyone, but you."

"Everyone, but me?"

Shigure smiled sadly down at me.

"From what I've seen, her acts only cause you more pain."

"No they don't."

"Kagura, don't lie to yourself. Your jealous though you would never act on your emotions."

"I- I'm not jealous."

How could he? Shigure-san always acted oblivious and now here he is unraveling my true emotions. Yes! Yes, I'm jealous.

I would never do anything to hurt Tohru or Kyo, but I am jealous. No matter how much I deny it, I know deep down inside that the pain gnaws at my heart everyday, every moment. This pain, which was ignited by Tohru's sweetness, gnawed at me everyday. This dark emotion arises from her sweetness and kindness. Why couldn't I be like Tohru? Why couldn't I be perfect like she is?

Shigure knows what has been bothering me for the past few days. He knows that my love for Kyo will never diminish.

"No matter how _I_ feel, I will never hurt Tohru. She's too innocent to hurt."

Shigure nodded in agreement.

"Better get ready. We're leaving soon!" With that he was out the door and I was left to gather my thoughts.

**TO BE CONTINUED….**

**To lazy to type a lot right now, but yeah! REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Author's Note** Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, I didn't know what to write… -- that's not a very good excuse… how about I was busy…? Jk! I have no idea what I was going to put, but I guess this just poured out.

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

**I'll Forget It All**

**_Chapter Twelve_**

_Shigure_

Something was wrong with everyone this week. I didn't understand what, but since Kagura-chan came here everyone has been acting odd. Tohru was the first one I noticed. She's so easy to read. I knew that something was wrong when she sat quietly at dinner instead of chatting away as usual. Everything just seemed so quiet. Kagura hasn't been chasing Kyo around as much… well, she hasn't been chasing him around at all. Yuki is acting more distant than ever, he and Kyo haven't even fought during the whole week! Oh lord, what will happen next?

I rubbed my eyes with my hand; I had a bad head ache from trying to figure everything out. All I knew right now was that Yuki probably confessed to Tohru, but she's with Kyo. Kagura is jealous, but won't act on her emotions. She's to bottled up that I think she might explode.

Where do I fit into all this drama?

I'm just the house owner. Just the "father" figure in this story.

The party is tonight and I'll see Mii-san, I wonder if she is excited to see me? Hmm… probably is! I whistled slightly trying to pass the time away. How long does it take for all of them to dress up? We're just going to the mall… or better yet, we'll go to Aya's shop!

I smiled mischievously; I can't wait to see Kagura-chan and Tohru in his dresses!

_Kagura_

I looked down at the letter in my hand. It was the invitation for the exchange student program. They had already mailed the plane ticket along with my acceptance letter. I didn't know why I applied. I'll probably not go anyways, so why did I send for it? I guess just so I could have the comfort of knowing that I have an exit. The plane ticket was good only for two days from now. I looked over at my small luggage I had, why did I pack them? Was I really considering going? But, I couldn't leave Kyo!

Carefully placing the letter and ticket into my purse, I walked out the room as if nothing threatened to tear me away from Kyo.

I walked down the stairs and into the living room. No one was there, so I figured that they were still changing. Suddenly, I could hear shouting and stomping down the stairs. It was Kyo and Yuki. They were fighting over something again.

"…She doesn't care what happens!"

"How can you say that!"

I wonder what they're talking about. I blinked and remembered, that is the first time I have ever heard Yuki shout. I know that they fight a lot, but normally Yuki is just quiet, or am I never around when he is shouting. The latter is probably right.

"I don't want her around…"

"Why?"

Everything was suddenly solemn. It was a sudden change for me.

"She makes me feel guilty…"

"Maybe because you are."

"I didn't do anything to convince her that I like her!"

"But, you never did anything to deny it. You only pushed her away not saying anything."

They're talking about me. I wonder why? What happened?

"Rat-boy, why the sudden interest on this?"

"I don't know, baka neko…"

Sudden interest? What's going on here? I know I shouldn't be listening to their conversation, but I just had to know what Kyo was saying about me.

"Kagura is okay, she just doesn't understand."

I smile sadly. He will never know how much I really understand. I get up and walk into the other room, not wanting to hear anymore. Shigure was there talking with Hatori. Hatori was the first to acknowledge my presence with a small nod. I smile as brightly as I could to him.

Shigure just turned and smiled at me. Nothing was said, there was just a small moment of silence till Tohru came bouncing in with her adorable laugh. I felt my smile falter, but I still held on to it. I was unwilling to admit my pain to any one, especially Tohru. She didn't need to know this. She didn't need to hear it and let it damper her life. She deserved happiness after all she has been through.

_Yuki_

I don't know why I was suddenly interested with Kagura and Kyo's relationship. Normally I would just dismiss her without another thought, but now it's different. Now I can't just ignore her. I have to speak with her, I have to talk to her. I just want to make her smile once more. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of Tohru, but it's unfair to think of another when I'm with her.

My mind drifts to the moment we spent on the roof. She was so broken and lonely, and so was I. I guess that's how things workout.

As human beings we will always take the chances of fleeting happiness when we can. We cannot escape the fact that all we strive for is our own happiness, but Tohru seems to have passed that. She seems to have found a new meaning in life than just for ourselves. She seems to have found happiness in the happiness of others. Her selflessness gave her happiness in helping everyone around her when no one would ever help. Tohru's loveliness is so obvious that no one could ever ignore it.

**TO BE CONTINUED… **

**Sorry for the short chapter! I just don't really have time to type a lot… -- That's kind of sad… Oh wellz! Hm… I'm too busy working on my other fics and I still have to write the epilogue to another! Lalala! Please check out my other fics and PLEASE add me on your favorite authors! I think it's really cool to see more people add me! Only 29 added me and 56 added me on author's alert! Gee wiz! Please people add me! I am fresh out of ideas! GIVE ME GIVE ME! Okay, that is all. **

**Happy days! **


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Author's Note** I was waiting to use the damn internet, but seeing as I can't, I just wrote this chapter instead… I'm really mad though… don't mess with me… jk…

**Summary** She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

**Disclaimers** I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

**I'll Forget It All**

**_Chapter Fourteen_**

_Kyo_

We are in the van. Hatori brought it instead of the car because there were so much of us. As was expected, I took my seat next to Tohru in the very back. Yuki took the seat on the other side of Tohru and Kagura sat alone in the second row. Shigure took his regular seat next to Hatori in the front. Kagura smiled at all three of us in the back and put her legs on the seat next to her. I looked over at the other two and saw them smile at Kagura. I didn't know what to do. If I smiled, would she ask me to sit in the front with her? But, before I could make my decision, she turned around and leaned against the glass window.

I stared at her while she slowly closed her eyes as if to fall asleep. Since I was on the end where there was no seat in front of me, I could see her whole. I looked at her hands when she suddenly clutched them and that was when I noticed that she didn't have her cat bag anymore. I wonder what happened to it. Instead of her cat bag, she had a plain brown leather backpack. I looked up and noticed that everything was so quiet. I wonder why? There was so much tension in the car, I could feel it. Why was everyone acting so oddly? I reached over to Tohru and gently held her hand. She looked up at me and smiled while blushing deeply.

I resisted the urge to grab her and just hug her to death. I didn't want to become a cat in the car. I glanced up and saw Yuki turn his head away from us and stare out the window. I knew his feelings, but it didn't matter.

He had everything I ever wanted except her and I wasn't about to let him take the only thing I have. My eyes drifted back up to Kagura. She was asleep.

If she wasn't so clingy, maybe I would have loved her. I don't know, but right now Tohru dominates my heart and no one else ever could. Minutes passed… then almost an hour later…

"We're shopping in Aya's shop…"

Immediately the car seemed to almost tip over because I and Yuki stood up so suddenly with death glares directed towards Shigure.

"What! It'll be faster…" He seemed to shrink away from us, but it didn't really help the situation.

"Kyo, Yuki, just accept it. We already told Ayame that we would be there and it would be a lot faster."

Yuki and I sat back down. Tohru seemed to be panicking inside. I could tell because her hair was standing on end.

"Wha-what happened…?" We all looked up at Kagura. I had completely forgotten that she was asleep. She rubbed her eyes with the end of her sleeve and looked out the window. Something seemed so different about her. I'm starting to get worried, although I don't show. I don't ever want her to get the idea that I like her. If she did, she might pounce on me as if I were a small mouse. Kagura looked out the window.

"Where are we going?"

"Aya's shop!" Shigure replied brightly. He knew that Kagura loved hanging out with Ayame because he was so "funny."

"Really!" Kagura practically laughed out. She just simply loved going to his shop, just to see what he was doing. Then, she suddenly got morbid. I wonder what she's thinking. She seemed so distant now, ev

When we arrived, Hatori parked the car and we all got out. Kagura got out first then me, Tohru, and Yuki.

"Tohru-chan! Let's go in!" Kagura grabbed Tohru's arm and together they ran into the shop. Me and Yuki sighed and walked in slowly. I saw Tohru's eyes widen as she ran her fingers over a manikin's dress. It was really very beautiful, not that I'll tell that to Ayame.

Mine-san came out of the back and she smiled when she saw us.

"AYAME!"

Ayame came out of the back and his eyes widened when he saw us. He immediately jetted out for Yuki. I suppressed a laugh when I saw Yuki try to run away, but was unable to do so.

I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Tohru talking animatedly with Kagura while looking at a pale yellow dress. Kagura smiled and nodded. Tohru picked the dress off the rack and pulled Kagura's hand to go look at the other clothes. The day went on. It was like a trial and error. After Yuki and I picked up the right sizes for our tuxes, we sat in front of the dressing rooms. Tohru and Kagura came out in random times. I can't exactly remember which dresses were worn; all I knew was that Tohru looked beautiful in each and every one. I would turn my head to Kagura every now and then, but I just couldn't keep my eyes off of Tohru.

"But! The price is so much! I just couldn't!" I smiled at Tohru's modesty.

"Don't worry. We have the money and you need to enjoy this, so just pick out whatever you need." Tohru smiled up at Shigure, but I knew that she was determined to just pick all the cheep ones so she wouldn't be a burden.

"Now, Shigure… It's been a long time…" Shigure immediately went into his position.

"Indeed it has…"

"I felt so cold and empty without you…"

"I missed you with each passing day…"

I just roll my eyes at them and look at Tohru who was examining herself in the large mirrors. She was wearing one of those dresses that goes out on the bottom and have ribbons and lace across the chest (a/n: you know the dress she wore when Mine dressed her up. Yeah, the one when she went to Ayame's shop with Yuki!).

She was so beautiful. What did I do to deserve this beautiful angel? Tohru smiled and twirled around. I remember looking up at Kagura for a split second and seeing a small faint smile grace her lips before I turn all my attention on Tohru.

_Kagura_

Dear, sweat Kyo. I felt warmth inside me when you looked at me. There was no hatred or anger in your eyes; it was just blank. As if you were meeting a new person and my selfishness meant nothing to you. I looked up at the mirror and smiled. I could never be as stunning as Tohru or as selfless as her, but I promise that I could be whatever you want… just take me. Just love me, that is all I crave.

Like the air we breathe, I need your love to go on. I still smile at my reflection and was shocked. I never noticed how empty my eyes have gotten or how shallow my face looked. I looked down at the dress in distaste. It made me look to skinny, as if I was anorexic. The dress was green, my signature color. I wanted something new. I don't know why, but I felt the sudden urge to go all out. Kyo doesn't love me, so I need to change and later forget everything.

I can't go on depressed forever.

Still, it's so hard.

I looked up and saw Kyo and Tohru talking… they were smiling and laughing again. There could be nothing in the world that could ever dampen their lives now, and I hope there never will. I turn back to the mirror and frown. Why couldn't I be prettier?

Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter now who I impress… it's not like anything will make Kyo love me now. Sometimes I wonder if he ever felt anything for me… anything besides hate and aggravation. Could he have felt something for me? Could have loved me for an instant?

I guess it wouldn't matter what I wore. I took of the green dress off and looked at the purple one I had just pulled off one of the racks. I slipped it one and looked at myself in the small mirror. I didn't feel like showing this dress to anyone. I don't know why, but I felt that this was the dress I wanted and that it should be a surprise for tonight. It was a simple lavender dress that reached a little way below my knees. I let my fingers trace the butterfly imprint on it.

_"Kagura, oni-chan!" _

I remember when he first saw a butterfly. He was only five and I was seven. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards it.

_"What is it Kagura?" _

I remember his cute red eyes looking up at me with fascination. This was before the "incident," so he was more open with me then.

_"It's a butterfly."_

I remember when he reached out to catch it, but it flew away.

_"It doesn't like me?"_

I remember smiling to him and pulling him into a hug. He was cute that I couldn't resist. Then the butterfly returned and landed on his nose.

_"See! Kyo, it likes you! They say that you could make a wish when a butterfly lands on your nose and it will come true."_

I remember him closing his eyes and mouthing something that no one else could ever hear.

_"Finished!" _

_"What did you wish for?" _

_"That you'll never leave me." _

_"I'll never leave you Kyo." _

_"Kagura, will you marry me?" _

I remember that day. It was right before I pulled off your bracelet. Hatori erased your memory of me running away from you, but I know that it was engraved in your heart although you will never know it. Hatori even erased that moment with the butterfly, so I guess you forgot about your wish.

When you turned away from every one of my advances, I turned violent and made you ask me to marry you. I just wanted to hear those words again so I could make sure it wasn't a dream.

Maybe I'm just in denial when I think you'll one day love me. I mean, love takes time right?

I take off the dress and put it back on the hanger. This was the one I was going to buy, but I didn't want anyone to see it just yet.

I walked out of the dressing room and saw that everyone was talking to Tohru about another dress that she tried on. I don't know why their fussing so much about it, Tohru looked well in everything she tried on. This time she was wearing a thin strapped sundress that ended about two inches above her knees. She was also wearing a matching choker necklace. She was so cute in the dress.

Everyone was so distracted with Tohru that they didn't see me when I walked out to pay for my dress. Mine-chan was the one who checkout my dress. I paid for it and asked her to fold it so she can put it in a bag. She smiled and did what I asked. Mine-chan and Aya had the same passion for designing clothes and dressing up girls.

_Yuki_

I heard the dresser door open, but I didn't bother to look up. I know things are weird between me and Kagura so I decided that we should see less of each other now. I tried to focus all my attention at Tohru, but I just couldn't. Every time I tried to think of Tohru, my mind would drift to Kagura.

I don't know why I should think of her, sure we spent some time together and talked to each other, but it doesn't become anything more than friendship. She's just a friend that I'm to comfort as she comforts me. I shouldn't think of her as anything else because I know that she would get hurt. No matter what I do, the people I love always get hurt.

But, still why not? Our love interests were stolen from us and there is no one in the world who would understand us more than we do each other. She's a member of the zodiac too, so we could hug each other without turning into animals.

I get up when Kagura enters the room. She seemed kind of distracted and I guess that's why she tripped. Having very fast reflexes I caught her in my arms. I helped her regain her footing and bowed her head and muttered a small thanks. I heard a faint plopping sound and saw a small paper booklet on the floor. I reached down and picked it up.

It was a plane ticket to go to America… a one way trip. Was she planning on leaving?

I looked down at her and handed it to her.

"Thank you…"

"Why?"

"Well, I was invited to go on a student exchange program…"

"Are you going?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"Have you asked Akito?"

"Do I have to?"

I looked down into Kagura's eyes and saw that she was still broken.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**Okay, that's chapter twelve! I hope you all enjoyed it and I'm sorry that I couldn't update sooner… wouldn't let me sign in so, it took me forever to update. **


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Author's Note: I'm in school… on my laptop… in an open lab… put two and two together, okay. I'm really sleepy right now, but thank gods I have lunch next! Happy, happy, joy, joy! Oh yeah, it's my birthday on May 18! That's so cool! Happy, happy, joy, joy! Will anyone sing happy birthday for me?

Summary: She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters… just the plot… I think…

**_I'll Forget It All_**

_Chapter Fifteen_

****_Yuki_

I noticed that there was still an unfading emptiness in Kagura's eyes, and this made me wonder what made her so distant.

What would happen if she _did_ go to America? Would this really help her to heal? What about me! I need to heal, I need to escape as well, but I can't! I can't leave! I can't just forget everyone… I'm so different from Kagura…

I need to be stronger, but all she wants to do is yield to her sorrow and run away. That's everyone's initial reaction, to run away from pain, but I must stay here so I can be close to Tohru. She was the only person who saw me as a _real_ person. Not a prince, not the president, not perfection, but a person with real feelings. I thought my love for Tohru would never waver, but whenever Kagura's around the pain just seems to disappear to an extent that I could actually bring myself to smile.

Memories of the past week appear and fade in my mind, one scene ending as another begins. I kissed her… after about a day, the thought finally clicked… I kissed her. I kissed Kagura and I… liked it?

I press my cold fingers against my own lips and I find myself aching to kiss her again. What was this feeling? It was deeper and warmer than anything I've ever felt before. I finally accepted the fact that I will never have Tohru, but that never stopped me from loving her. She was my everything, and I wasn't about to let 'everything' go to pursue a silly intuition. I should be reasonable in all that I do, and I know that thinking, even for a moment, that I'm in love with Kagura goes against everything I stood for all my life.

I looked up at the roof of the car wondering what I should do. Shigure had decided to bring Ayame to a restaurant with us, since it was _so_ close to lunch time. That meant that it was not silent, it was _far_ from silent. Kagura was chatting happily with the Ayame, who was sitting next to her, and Shigure, who was sitting in the front seat.

I saw Kagura suddenly smile and that made _me_ feel warm. I don't know why, but seeing her and being with her made me happy. It was the same thing I felt with Tohru, but at the same time it was different. Suddenly, Hatori stopped the car. We were there and soon we all climbed out of the car. I saw Kyo immediately grab Tohru's hand, it was like he was constantly making sure that she was there. Kyo just didn't seem to realize the pain he kept on inflicting on Kagura and myself. Tohru, in all her obliviousness, just blushed causing further harm on myself. I looked up at Kagura and saw that she was ignoring the scene that unfolded before me by chatting happily with Ayame and Shigure.

I looked at her face and saw that although she was smiling, there was a definite coldness in her eyes. I let my gaze drift down to her plain leather bag and I think about the airline ticket. Would she really go? Would Akito let her go? Could _I _allow her to go?

I looked back at Tohru and Kyo, then back to Kagura. Letting my feet guide me, I slowly drifted to the small group gathered about Kagura. I looked at the three men and then at little Kagura who cowered from my presence. Feeling a little hurt, I let a small _fake_ smile grace my lips and when my brother saw this, he shot off with his long speeches.

"See Shii-chan! Yuki can't go on without his dearest brother!"

"You're my only brother…" I let my comment trail off, creating a small silence. I heard a small giggling sound. I looked behind me and saw Kagura trying to stifle a small giggle. I smiled slightly as we walked into the small restaurant. We looked around and saw the waitress, who smiled and lead us to a 'secluded' table.

I watched as the waitress placed a menu before everyone at the table, she paused and looked at me. I could tell that she was somewhat afraid, why? Well maybe it's because I put up my mask, my violet eyes flashed _dangerously_. She hastily placed, almost threw, my menu before me and ran off.

"Yuki…" Shigure shook his head as he looked down at the table.

I looked around the table. I was sitting across from Tohru, who was sitting next to Kyo. I was sitting between Kagura and Shigure while Ayame and Hatori sat at the head of both ends of the there was an empty seat besides Tohru and this made me wonder why I didn't get up and sit there. Kagura seemed to sense my confusion because she looked up at me and gestured to the seat with her eyes.

I smiled lightly; it was funny how she seemed to know what I was feeling at a given moment. I glance at Tohru once more and see that she had started a conversation with Hatori and Kyo; as much as I wanted to join in I refrained from doing so. Kyo eyed me for a second then turned his _full_ attention to Tohru.

"Ne Tohru-kun? What are you talking about over there?" Shigure called out while giving a little wave of his hand.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we had a picnic tomorrow? I mean, we don't have school seeing as it is a weekend and there's nothing else to do around the house since Kyo-kun and…" There was a small pause, "Sohma-san hasn't been fighting as much."

I could always trust Tohru to hurt me unintentionally. Suddenly she became quiet and everyone knew in an instant that something was wrong. She was always quiet when something was wrong, suddenly she burst out laughing. I could tell that she was trying to drive attention away from herself so she pointed towards Kagura and smiled.

"What profession are you thinking about doing when you leave college?" She smiled as brightly as she could. Kagura looked pensive for a moment, "I'm not really sure…"

"You could be a designer! You love sewing and you made that cute little cat bag!"

That one hit home… Kagura looked as if she would have busted into tears, but I must commend her on her ability to hide it almost as well as I could. Since I myself have been shielding all my emotions, I knew all the tricks used to hide the pain that others inflicted. Kagura bowed her head in what seemed to be mock modesty and slowly whispered, "Tohru-kun, you exaggerate!"

Her head snapped up as she flashed everyone a radiant smile, "But, my bag _was_ pretty cute!"

Poor Kagura, I looked over to my side and saw her smile, but small tears were threatening to fall from her eyes.

I gently take her limp hand in my own and just smiled when she looked up at me. She looked so confused… and so cute. Taking a small sip of my drink, I give her small hand a gentle squeeze. I saw her neck start turning red and gave a small chuckle; I don't know why, but she's just so cute when she blushes.

"Kagura, are you feeling well?" Tohru reached over and touched Kagura's other hand. Kagura pulled her hand back as if she had been burned, but instead of leaving a pause she scratched the back of her head as if she intended to do that.

Smiling slightly, she excuses herself to get some air outside. I don't understand why she seemed so stress. I can understand that she may feel a little anger and envy towards Tohru, but why does she seem to be taking it too far…

****_Kagura_

I know that Yuki is just trying to help, but why does he have to do things that just further confuse me? Why must I feel warmth when he's around? Why does that warmth just make me want to be close to him all the time?

I walk outside and stare at my hand. He held it, he squeezed it, and he treated me as if we were lovers. I hear footsteps behind me and a hand gently patting my back. I shy away from it, thinking that Yuki has followed me _again_.

"Why do-" I suddenly cover my mouth with my hands. It was Kyo… I looked deep into his eyes and tried to tell myself once again, this is the love of my life.

"Kagura…"

Is this the moment I have been waiting for? Did he finally change his mind? Oh Kyo, please let it be so that Yuki can stop whatever he's doing to me! Don't you know how much I love you?

"Kagura, I… I'm sorry, I can't understand what's going on between you and Yuki, but please try to open up to him. I know Yuki and he'd never want to hurt anyone, but Kagura stop pushing him away. I don't know why you love me, but I do know that I may never love you any more than a bigger sister." Kyo looked down into my eyes; I see pity in his eyes.

Turning my head, I let my words just spill from my mouth, "How would you know? You never want to understand, how could you when you hated me so much? I guess I should be blamed for that, but… I don't know Kyo… I love you, I've always loved you. I don't need your pity."

"But, you need help and Yuki might be the person who could help you."

"I don't want him, I don't want anyone! Kyo, I know I'm selfish and I can't help it, it's just that… that I feel so guilty without you! I feel guilty knowing that I caused you pain… Kyo I-"

"The waitress is taking our orders!" A voice suddenly cut my onslaught of words and both us look at the source of the interruption. It was Ayame and being the person he is, he ran off before either me or Kyo could say a word.

Feeling so torn open and empty, I bowed my head to hide my face. I revealed so much, too much. I can't afford to do this again! I don't want to ruin Tohru's relationship, but at the same time I want Kyo for myself.

I could feel his cold hard stare at my head, "We'll talk about this later…"

I slowly nod my head, "I'm not really hungry anymore, tell them I'll just wait…" I pause a moment and observe our surroundings, "at that pet shop." I commented while pointing to a petit pet shop that had little marker drawings of animals on the window.

I look up at Kyo and saw a frown that marred his normally calm face. "Okay…" Was his hesitant reply.

I sighed and walked towards the pet shop, animals always seem to comfort me when no one else can.

****_Ayame_

I frowned as I walked back into the restaurant. Kagura seemed hurt and Kyo seemed to be caring… what could be going on? Shaking my head, I try to ignore the growing sense of dread within me, but feelings like this can't just disappear. These events that past… the events that Shigure is constantly pestering me about, it's more complicated than I initially thought. I turn and look behind me to see if Kyo or Kagura were following, to my great discomfort it was only Kyo.

"Hey, lucky Kyo, where's Kagura?"

"She's not really hungry, so she just went to the pet shop across the street." I sigh loudly as I look down at the floor. Although I never admitted it out-loud, Kagura was one of my more _favored_ cousins. Most of it was because in a way we are so alike. Unrequited love keeps us moving, it's our reason for waking up in the morning.

I try desperately to rekindle a brother relationship that has long diminished, just as she tries to further her relationship with Kyo although he pays her no heed. Both me and Kagura understand what it feels like to be 'jet down' or 'left behind.' No one can truly say that they are depressed till all the world is against them and when someone you love rejects you, it sure as hell feels like the _whole_ world is putting you down.

At the table, I noticed that Yuki seemed to have a special – I don't know – _bond_ with Kagura? Could Yuki be developing a _fondness_ for our Kagura-chan?

It seems like a fairytale… the hero comforts the heroine and they begin to rely on each other for 'escaping' the real world and delving into one of their own.

Then it struck me like a ten ton of bricks, Kyo didn't notice that I called him by his little 'pet name.'

Sighing ruefully, I notice, with great distaste, that it's no fun picking on someone if they don't respond. I look towards the table and I saw the look that flashed onto Yuki's face when he saw that it was only Kyo and I who returned. He quickly puts on his 'mask,' but it's too late because I saw him on that one moment when his guard was down.

I knew Tohru could feel a certain 'tenseness' radiating off of Kyo, but being the light-hearted person she was she didn't comment on it.

Kyo forced a strain smile onto his face, but I knew that something – more like someone – was bothering him. Kagura… poor Kagura-chan who wanted nothing more than to have her love, love her back. I know how it feels to wish on every star that one person would just pay attention to you, that you don't have to hide yourself. I know more than anyone else could possibly understand…

But, it isn't like me to be depressed. Being the energetic Sohma, a punch will not keep me down forever, just as pain and pleasure are fleeting.

I sat down in my chair and glance at Shigure, who was staring at me with questionable eyes. It seems that Shigure would always know when there's something wrong. Taking a brief glance at Hatori I find that the same thing applies to him as well.

I toss a carefree smile towards the waitress, who in response blushed. Before anyone was able to order, Yuki stood up and walked away from the table. Before he left, he stopped by Kyo and asked him a single question that seemed to surprise everyone at the table.

"Where's Kagura?"

I heard from Shigure that whenever Kagura disappeared it seemed that Yuki would as well.

Kyo overcame his surprise with a slight tilt of the head and pointed to the chain of stores opposite of the restaurant.

"She's at the pet shop…"

I looked up at Yuki and see that he seems somewhat confused, "Don't you know where the pet shop is?"

He shakes his head. I shake mine as well, mostly because my brother was quite dense at times… I'm just kidding of course. Smiling brightly, I yank my brother's arm towards the door and out we went.

"I'll take you there!" I exclaimed before dragging him out of the restaurant. This could give me and my brother some time to 'bond.'

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**Sorry for the EXTREMELY short chapter and the LONG update, but I couldn't think of what to write. Can anyone give me ideas? Please! I'm pretty desperate right now… Oh well, that's okay! Don't worry though, I promise that I'll finish this fic!**


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Author's Note: It's summer, yippee! Okay, I'm sorry about the long update, but I just came back from San Antonio and didn't have time to think about this fic until now. Oh well, I hope you guys like this chapter seeing as it isn't very long… _again_. I think this fic is almost finished… maybe about two or three more chapters.

Summary: She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters… just the plot… I think…

**_I'll Forget It All_**

_Chapter Sixteen_

****_

* * *

_

_Kagura_

* * *

Cats… there were a lot of cats in the pet shop. Kyo… He was cursed with the sign of the cat and ever since he was born, was feared because of his third form. That horrible monster-like form, which separated him from the other zodiac members, was also a blessing to him. Because of that form, he was able to find his true passion for Tohru. She didn't run away from him, instead she stayed by him and helped him.

It didn't matter to him anymore if he was accepted in the family or not because now he had Tohru. She was able to open his eyes and show him things I wanted to. She was able to let him feel things I wanted him to. She was his hero, his savior, his love; everything I wanted to be, everything I dreamed of.

Now that my dreams of love are shattered I had to replace them with another, but seeing something so precious shatter before my very eyes was too much. I have to get away, escape. I need peace and something new to help me forget about the old.

My gaze drifted to the small mousse behind the glass windows.

Yuki… he also lost someone. He wasn't able to love Tohru the way he wanted. He wasn't able to claim her for his own. I know it's wrong of me to wish so, but I just wished Tohru would love Yuki instead. That way everyone would be happy… or well, I'd be happy and Kyo would probably fall into the depression I'm in now. But, should I strive for my own happiness at the expense of others?

No, and that is why I am so sad. Because there is nothing I can do and nothing I would do to prevent Kyo from finding his happiness in Tohru.

She's my friend, as well as my rival. I love her and yet part of me wants to hurt her like she hurt me. But, I can never really, _truly_ hate Tohru. She's too kind and gentle. She's beautiful and wonderful. She's like a flower that grows on the care of others and in turn bring happiness and beauty into the world.

I wanted to be just like Tohru, just to catch Kyo's eyes, but every time I tried I always failed. I wasn't good enough to perfectly imitate her actions. I was too selfish, too greedy. Whenever I saw Kyo, I just had to have him. I pounced like a wild animal pouncing upon food. I wasn't _lady-like_ as I should be, but it didn't matter. After all, I was the boar of the zodiac. The stubborn, strong, and wild boar.

"Can I please see the cat?" I asked the woman in charge while pointing at the orange kitten playing with the yarn ball.

It was so adorable. It played with the yarn ball, pouncing on top of it and eventually toppling off of it.

I watched as the back hatch opened and two hands pulled the kitten out of the glass confinements. The door closed once more and I waited patiently for the lady to return. When she did, with the kitty in tow, she handed the little one to me and guided me to one of the vacant play pens.

"Thank you."

"That little one is a boy." She stated as she left.

I smiled down at the kitten and smiled, "You're a really handsome boy. I wonder can I give you a nickname. A name you while you're with me."

I know I sound silly talking to a cat that could not even understand me, but I couldn't help it. As the small cat looked up at me with its big brown eyes it felt as if the cat could understand what I was talking about. I know it sounds like a cliché and maybe it's just in my mind, but the cat looks just like Kyo in his cat form. I hugged the cat and plucked a yarn ball from the toy basket in the corner of the play pen.

I wonder, can we ever break the curse? Would there ever be a time when we could be like normal people? A time when I could give my daddy a hug. A time when I could date like a normal person.

Maybe when that happens, I'll finally be able to let Kyo go… but, still there's always Yuki… No. Yuki loves Tohru and nothing's going to change that. But still, that doesn't stop me from wondering how it would be to be loved by him. He's so kind, gentle, and polite. After the kiss he had given to me on the roof, I've caught myself thinking about him.

There was something different, something that I hadn't notice until now. There was something gentler, kinder, and loving about Yuki, but I always pinned it to Tohru. Everything was about Tohru, but she was too naïve to see it. She was so oblivious, she was like a child. She accepted all of us, even our curse, with a childlike innocence.

Her love was able to free many of us from the second part of our curse: loneliness.

She loved all of us, even Akito. She cared for him, sympathized him, and pitied him. Through the pain he inflicted on her, she would always smile. Like a child she would fall and bounce right back up.

But I, as the fragile woman I am, I had to hold onto something tangible, something that I could feel just to make sure I _could_ feel. I needed something alive. That's why I grew so attached and possessive of anything that I owned or loved. Kyo didn't like it, of course, and that lead to the downfall of our pathetic relationship.

Then, I heard little mewing and remembered that I was in a pet shop.

"…"

Was I really going to talk to a cat?

"What does it feel like to have only _one_ form? At least you can hug _both_ of your parents." Sigh. "I can't even hug my daddy because of this curse."

_

* * *

Yuki

* * *

_

My brother and I walked in silence towards the chain of shops at the other side of the parking lot. Sometimes my brother can be someone reliable, like now, but sometimes he can be someone I hate with passion, like during my childhood.

"What's been going on lately?"

Ayame didn't seriously think I'd answer that, did he?

Silence.

"Are things fine between you and Tohru?"

Silence.

"Yuki, you need to tell someone about your feelings, don't bottle it up." He reprimanded lightly, "Let me be your confidant!"

"Would you ever give up?"

Blink, blink.

Ayame was about to reply, but then stopped himself and turned away. He continued to walk, but the little 'bounce' wasn't there. Instead of walking tall and proud, his head drooped and his shoulders slouched. Did my comment really hurt him?

Letting my conscience get the better of me, I apologized.

"Its okay, Yuki. You didn't say anything wrong."

I turned to him as he smiled at me. I didn't understand what was going on in his mind, but I did understand that he would never give up.

"Yuki, you're my brother and I treated you badly in the past, so it is to be expected for you to hate me. I just thought that we may _bridge_ our two minds…"

Dramatic, as usual.

"We must at least meet 'half way."

Sometimes I wanted to know more about my older brother, but my pride wouldn't let me. He, indeed, has treated me badly, but now he was willing to apologize and start over. Even _if_ we start over, that won't erase the fact that he _has_ ignored and abandoned me through the years. Even _if_ we forget everything that's happened up to this point, the pain would still be there.

"Yuki?"

I realized that I was spacing out once again.

"Yeah?"

Ayame smiled brightly, doing something that I didn't understand. How could he smile at a time like this?

"What?"

"My little brother is SMILING!"

I pressed my hand against my lips and found that I _was_ smiling. Why was I smiling though?

I was thinking about the pain he caused me and then… smile…

Maybe it was his crazy antics to gain attention. Even though I pretend not to be interested, his high school stories _are_ very amusing.

And in my mind… I knew that we had met 'half way.'

We walked once again in silence, letting the other reflect on the events that happened up to now and the events that could happen in the future.

Again I remind myself, tonight is the party and we should enjoy.

"Everything between Tohru and I are fine." I confided, breaking the silence. Ayame glanced at me and smiled.

"That's nice. At least my little brother learned to grow up."

"Hey, what's that suppose to mean?"

"Oh… the little baby is finally maturing!" He cooed happily.

"I don't know what that means; I am more mature than you are." I said finally, crossing my arms over my chest and turning my head the other way in a childish sort of way. Isn't it weird that when I least need him, he's here…

For once in my life, I finally respected and acknowledge him as my older brother. Sensing this, he beamed with happiness and once again we walked in silence although this time it wasn't as tense as it had been only minutes before.

When we finally reached the pet shop, he left without a word. Instead he winked at me over his shoulder and gave a small wave, leaving with his little 'bounce.'

**TBC **

**Really sorry about the long update, but I had things on my mind and well we got a puppy. We named it Po-chan. It's so cute, I think it's a Yorkshire Terrier. **

**Please Review!**


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Author's Note: Okay, so sorry about the long update my computer just crashed and I just got it back. Anyway, I didn't know what to write on the last chapter so I might just rewrite that one… oh well. Oh yeah, someone is drawing a fan art for this fic and I feel really special! I hope I'll get many other fan arts for this fic!

Summary: She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

* * *

**I'll Forget It All**

_Chapter Seventeen_

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I stood outside of the shop, indecisive. Should I go in or not? It seemed like such a simple question, but thinking about it now, standing right outside the pet shop, it was a lot harder to answer. I placed my hand on the cool glass window and slowly scanned the shop for the brunet that was currently occupying my mind.

I spotted her in one of the small cubicles playing with a small orange cat. Funny, sometimes she seems to want to forget everything about Kyo and at others she simply can't let him go. She would be naïve to believe that he would somehow return to her.

I let my hand rest on the window as I leaned closer for a better look. There was a small smile on her face as she gently cuddled against the kitten. I didn't understand the emotions running through me at that precise moment, but I didn't go in. I knew that it would seem weird to the customers inside for a guy to be standing outside of a pet store and just stare into the shop without going in, but at that moment nothing else mattered.

Sometimes I wondered if Kagura accepted the curse. Did she realize that she was part of the curse as well? Most of her time was spent on chasing Kyo, so I guess she never really had a need to detest the curse because of her crush. Since zodiac members are allowed to hug each other, she never really needed to worry about Kyo transforming when she hugged him. 

Now that there was no Kyo to chase after, did she realize the curse now?

* * *

_Kagura_

* * *

The others eventually came to get me when they had finished their lunch. We packed into the van with Hatori as the driver and everyone else in their original spots: Shigure in the passenger seat, me alone in the second row, and Tohru squeezed between Kyo and Yuki in the very back. First we dropped Ayame off at his shop, and then we proceeded to return to Shigure's house. Upon arriving, Tohru and I rushed into her room to prepare for the party.

I decided not to go out of my way to look exceptional because there didn't seem to be any reason for such. My hobby, chasing Kyo around, had come to an end and now I didn't really care what I looked like. I simply slipped into my new dress and left it at that.

It was clear that Tohru had some second thoughts about the party because she started mumbling incoherently to herself, but somehow I was able to catch little snippets of what she was saying.

"I've never been to one before… Will everyone be mad if I'm there…? What if they don't want me…?"

Small comments which made me feel even more unworthy poured out of her mouth as she examined herself in the mirror. She was beautiful. There was no use in denying it because it was so blindingly obvious. The lace on her dress accented her features giving her an innocent and angelic look.

"Tohru-kun, you look wonderful."

She blushed at my small complimented and turned to examine me, her large brown eyes surveying me from top to bottom before a bright smile dominated her face.

"You look beautiful, Kagura-chan!"

I returned her smile and sluggishly made my way to the door leading out into the hallway. I slowly walked to the small room at the end of the hallway, the room I've been occupying this week, and grabbed my purse. I grabbed the small airline ticket as well, not really knowing why I wanted to have it with me. The ticket was a one-way ticket to America and the plane would be departing at 3:00 am tomorrow morning. Again, I wasn't sure why this small piece of paper comforted me, maybe because it was a small escape from this life, from Japan.

I looked up at the large clock adorning the wall and realized that the others were probably waiting for me downstairs. I quickly rushed out of the room and down the stairs to see that my suspicions were correct. My eyes instinctively flicked over to Kyo who was chatting quietly with Tohru, probably reminding her how wonderful she looked tonight. My eyes then went to Shigure before resting on the last male in the room, Yuki. He was standing in a corner at the opposite side of the room just staring at me. If he thought anything good or bad of me at that very moment, he hid it quite well.

I sent him a small smiled before following Shigure out the door and into the van where Hatori was waiting. When we entered the van, our seating arrangement slightly changed. Shigure sat in the back with Kyo and Tohru, Yuki was sitting besides me, and Momiji was sitting in the very front. Hatori probably went to the main house to pick him up before returning here.

"Oh WOW! Tohru you look so beautiful tonight!" Momiji chirped happily from the front while waving energetically at the brunet seated behind me. "You look nice too Kagura!" I smiled at him and returned the compliment noticing that he was actually wearing men's clothing tonight.

"You really do look wonderful tonight." I turned to Yuki and smiled.

"Thank you." A small quirk of his lips was seen before he returned to his stoic expression. The car ride passed by quickly and before any of us knew it and Yuki's comment made the ride a little more bearable. We soon arrived at the hotel, sooner than any of us expected. When we slowly piled out of the van, I noticed that we were at a very expensive and extravagant looking hotel. It must have cost a lot to rent out the ballroom.

The others also seemed fazed by the hotel's appearance. Momji was the only one with a different reaction. Instead of silent awe, he was bouncing energetically mumbling, 'wow, wow, wow!" under his breath.

We walked inside.

The hotel looked even more extravagant inside, making us feel even more out of place. I looked down at my simple clothing and silently compared them to the other people in the lobby. All the women looked so beautiful and sophisticated, I felt so inferior because of my plain clothing. Tohru didn't seem to notice anything, mostly because she was talking animatedly with Kyo and Yuki. I slowly began drifting further back, lingering slightly to take in my surroundings.

Everything was so beautiful. There were paintings on the walls, columns lining the large lobby, and vases sitting on detailed pedestals. I've never seen a building so wonderfully decorated.

"Kagura-chan! If you don't walk faster, we're going to leave you behind!" I recognized Momji's cheerful voice immediately and walked faster to catch up with the group. We approached large wooden double doors and entered the ballroom.

If the lobby was magnificent, it was nothing compared to this.

_

* * *

__Yuki_

* * *

I noticed that Kagura was lagging behind the rest of the group, but didn't bother saying anything. I didn't know if she was thinking and I didn't want to break her chain of thoughts, but Momiji unfortunately did.

"Kagura-chan! If you don't walk faster, we're going to leave you behind!" Kagura seemed to snap out of her small revere and quickly caught up with us. She smiled enthusiastically before we opened the wooden doors and entered the ballroom.

It was larger than the lobby and even more wonderfully decorated. I watched as Kyo grabbed Tohru's hand and I noticed that the small pang I used to feel wasn't there. I glanced at Kagura and saw that even though there was pain in her eyes, it wasn't as extreme as it used to be.

There were few people on the dance floor and even more were sitting down in couples. Not wanting the moment to slip pass, I gently took Kagura's hand in my own and guided her towards one of the tables that Kyo and Tohru were heading. She didn't pull her hands back, nor did she seem to notice that I was holding it. She just followed me to the table and smiled.

"Tohru-kun, are you going to dance with Kyo-kun?"

She smiled bashfully and blushed, something that I used to be overly obsessed with. Kagura smiled up at me and winked towards Kyo and Tohru, who both blushed even more. Kyo gently pulled Tohru's hand towards him and pulled her out of her chair, smiling all the while. It was a smile that was rarely seen, but with Tohru it seemed to always be there.

"Let's dance…" Tohru's eyes widened as her face went into a full-blown blush.

"B-but, I've never danced before! It's okay, maybe you should find another partner." Kyo smiled gently and pulled her towards the dance floor, despite her futile struggle. They started laughing as Kyo slid his hand onto her waist and pulled her hand onto his shoulder. All Tohru's shyness seemed to disappear as she smiled playfully up at him.

Kagura pulled her hand out of mine and settled down into the abandoned chair. Feeling uncomfortable, I took the seat next to her. She smiled briefly before fiddling with her hands in her lap. I just took this as either boredom or an uneasy feeling.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She lifted her head to face me and frowned slightly. "I'm just surprised that you allowed Kyo to dance with Tohru."

"Knowing Tohru, she wouldn't want a scene to start."

"That's very considerate of you."

"And, I didn't think you wanted to be left alone." Her eyes seemed to widen at my somewhat unexpected comment. "So, do you want to talk about anything?"

"Hmm, not really."

"Did you finish Shigure's book?"

"Oh no, I forgot to finish it."

_

* * *

__Kagura_

* * *

I can't believe I forgot to finish Shigure's book. I was meaning to, but things just got complicated. This week has been going by so quickly and there has been so much happening. I glanced around the room and saw that the whole Sohma family was here, including Akito. I took a moment longer to examine him and when I was about to turn away his eyes caught my own. Then, he did the thing that scared me the most, he smiled maliciously.

Shaking my head, I looked back at Yuki who seemed to notice Akito as well.

"What's he doing here?"

"I'm not sure, Yuki, but maybe we should just stay away from him." He sighed slightly before mumbling a small yes.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes before the song changed, causing Tohru and Kyo to return to our table. Both of them seemed to be out of breath, but they were too busy laughing to really say anything.

"I take it you enjoyed dancing, Honda-san." Tohru seemed to stiffen at Yuki's comment, but she nevertheless answered.

"Yes, Yuki-san, I enjoyed dancing very much." I noticed, as well as Yuki, that Tohru used his first name. He seemed to be a little happier because of that.

Then it hit me, I felt a small jealousy.

**

* * *

****TBC... **

**I'm sorry I haven't been updating lately and that THIS chapter is very SHORT, but some things can't be helped. **

**Please review. **


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